The first month of the year is over. I've been too busy and had no time to update this blog. This post is special. I know this won't make sense to most people, but I believe with all my heart that I have made the right decision and that God is guiding me all the way through,

Since the last few months, I have always written in this blog that there was a drastic change in my outlook in life. I look at trials as opportunities, I know that trials are just God's way of shaking us out of our comfort zone, for us to step up and become a better person. It is that positive attitude that kept me going, asking the right questions led me to the right answers. I've been asking God before to show me my WAKE UP CALL, and He did. That is why I have a strong faith in what I am doing right now.

My leadership attitude ever since was more on influencing and inspiring my subordinates. Contrary to the traditional corporate setting, I do not feel comfortable giving orders and reprimanding. I guess it was something that I had to learn as my position requires such attitude; however, I felt that there was something wrong. It was something that I don't enjoy doing, it was not me.

I found a place where influencing  and inspiring people are the main purpose of leadership. A place where I felt that my free spirit is being uplifted. A place where I do not have to follow orders and to give orders. A place where I know that the purpose is  not just the money, but the thirst for freedom and the genuine purpose of touching the lives of other people

I had to take the road less traveled. I had to go to a different direction because I no longer want to be a part of the herd. I want to draw my life the way I have always wanted to. I want tings to change, and so I have to do something different. I need to have the courage to face my fears in order to see an all new world. Freedom takes courage. One life to live, and I don't want to sink into my comfort zone all my life. I want to take the journey, the adventure of a lifetime!

MARCH 2011 is more than a year away but whenever I think of my OJT, I cram. When the word graduation comes to my thought I feel somewhat a relief but when I hear the word JOB, I freak out. LOL. My mom said if I don't like to work yet I can study another course, most people know I'd like that but I dunno they say I'm a BUM. But if mom agrees that I can choose between studying music, fashion designing and photography either of those courses, I'd go for it. But those courses are as expensive as studying Culinary Arts for almost 4 years. So I think I'll pass this time. So because of thinking a lot, I can't sleep LOL. MY mind is crowded with plans for my future, some pain and questions. PLANS, unlike my plans with Marco in my life before which was before I thought we'd live it up but yet 3 years of relationship all gone to waste. LOVE? I don't think this is the time to fall for someone and I tend to be alone now. Tears.. Are falling like waterfalls do from my eyes. Maybe because I need to cry all the pain buried in my heart. From Marco's remains, problems and because of friends who listens to you before but now leaves and gets mad at you. Sometimes I think of giving up because it's the easiest option but yet if I give up I'll regret things. So instead I bury my head in my pillows at night and lessen the burden upon crying. Lack of people to talk to and lack of trust to give people but most of all, lack of people who will listen, understand and stay. As I said earlier, I tend to be alone, I am traumatized of trusting people and being in love because I'd get disappointed again and heartbroken. Before I used to trust a lot of people but they failed me and did things that made me depressed. QUESTIONS are floating in my mind. I asked someone before "Will you stay even though I'm the worst?" that someone answered a yes but doesn't understand my circumstances so that someone left me behind. REALITY and CHANGES, I must face them. To all my friends (to those people who still cares and stands me even though I make mistakes) and to those who think they can be my friend: I'll ask you all one thing "In 10 years from now will you still be there? Will we still all be friends?" (To all of you, you can leave a comment and I'll know who'll I'd expect to still have as a friend in 10 years) It sucks when you have problems, and you can't open up because before you speak words from your mouth, your eyes start to speak as it let go of tears.It sucks when no one can understands you, But it's the worst when you feel pain, depression, doubt, stress, heart ache, confusion and regret all at the same time and all you can do is write this and cry your heart out. BIPOLARITY, IT SUCKS. P.S. DON'T BASH ME. COMMENT ONLY IF YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL AND IF YOU CARE.

Hi everyone! My very first post for 2010! Things have been going pretty well for the 1st few weeks of the year.  After almost 7 years I met one of my closest friend in college and we became business partners! We're branching out to Pangasinan and I am sooooper excited! XD

Because of several changes, I decided that I have to plan every single day of my year. Could you imagine, this is the very first time that I felt the need to use a planner. I was trying to find a planner that suits my personality, a planner that I can personalize and would really inspire me in my everyday ventures! I am not really a fan of the Starbucks Planner. Aside from the fact that I am not a hardcore coffee drinker, I find it very common. So after two days of searching for the perfect planner, I found it! The title itself attracted me as it is exactly what I wanted my 2010 to be. I want to track each day of the year and design it on how I want it to happen! I'm starting the year right! I'm planning ahead!

 

My last post for 2009. This year was a roller coaster ride for me. The first quarter was a thrilling ride. New responsibilities, I was like a kid who was trying to walk. Trying a brand new start after I was introduced to a whole new world. It was a bit of struggle, I was starting from scratch.  Not to mention the time when a part of my life fell apart. I had to reconstruct and build new circle of friends.

The second and third quarter were those times when I was trying to get by. New people met, new places seen. This part of '09 was unforgettable. I've been to some new places. I went to these places  with some old friends, other places with my new friends. And just when I thought that everything was falling into place, what I tried to build was taken away from me. This was the time when I had all the negativities. I felt like everything I worked hard for was thrown into trash. This was the time when I learned that the people that I learned to trust were betraying me. This was the time when I admitted to myself that these kinds of people really do exist, that I shouldn't expect all the people to be nice to you just because you're nice to them. You can't just please everyone so just let it be. But somehow I was happy. Another year was added to my life. I saw my old friends, and some of the new ones were also there. My family was there, and I celebrated my 23rd with a blast.

The 4th quarter of 2009 was my favorite. This was the time of reflection. This was the time when I swallowed the reality pill. This was the time when I had the explanation to why the negative things happened: It happened becauseI wasn't grateful, it was very very wrong to be in that kind of state. Good thing I was able to pull myself together. This was the time when my Wake Up Call was finally revealed to me. I met new people. People who believed in me. People who made me realize my full potential as a person. Finally, I know which direction to take that I can say to myself that I have a blueprint of what will happen to me this coming year. I am excited of what is bound to happen. It is clear in my head, 2010 is my year!

Let's all say goodbye to 2009 with gratefulness to the things that it taught us. Though some not so very nice things happened to our country, though some of the great people left, the lessons learned shall always be remembered. Let it all be our guide on our journey to the coming year.

Its been a while since my last post. I know everyone is busy for the holiday rush, but nope.. this isn't gonna be another Christmas entry. I am excited for the holidays, but I am more excited for next year. 2010 is gonna be my year, I am claiming it... because I really feel it.

I love my life, and yes I know its been worthwhile for the past 23 years. But now I started thinking about what lies ahead. Every decision that we make defines our lives in the next 5, 10 or 20 years that we live. Just like the decision I made 7 years ago when I decided to take up nursing, that is why I am here. Just like any other trend, we all know that this profession has plateaued already. Thousands graduate and pass the boards every year, only to end up in call centers, or worse, a bum. Most of us would spend money to take foreign licensure exams in hope of better opportunities abroad, only to end up waiting for 10 or more years for their papers to be processed. If you have all the means, you can spend almost half a million to be a nursing student again in New Zealand or Australia, your expenses such as lodging and food are of course excluded.

I love this profession; however, as much as I would like to cling to it, I realized that there are better opportunities out there. We just have to be open minded about it. Not because everyone is taking the same road means that it is the only way. Sometimes, taking a different direction would make a difference. I don't have the means of spending that amount of money to study nursing again so I can work abroad, neither am I willing to wait for years for my papers to be processed. Three, five, ten years? If you sum it up... It becomes your life, and I treasure every second of my life that's why I can't just sit around and wait.

Life is all about taking risk. If you don't take risk, well then fine, you won't fail.. but trust me, you won't succeed either. Be a mediocre all your life if that's what you want.  That is not what I want. At this point in time when everything is changing, it's not what you learn anymore that matters, it's how fast you learn new things. I am so blessed to realize these things at this point in time, and I thank my mentors in GFI for letting me swallow the "reality pill." The people who have the most security have the least freedom. I value freedom more than security. Not all the people close to me would understand, but it's all about making choices and having a strong belief in what you are doing.

The greatest realization that I learned this year: "If you want things to change, you have to start doing something different." Every decision that we make defines our life in the next 5 or 10 years that we live. I made a decision which can change my life forever, and I strongly believe that I made the right one.

Well yeah I'm posting at my love life blog, but yes this are another set of how I am a sore loser lol. 10 more days it's gonna be Christmas and yes I AM DAMN LONELY. Maybe, this is a part of my life that really sucks but it is also a part of letting go and take things like an adult. I dunno it'll be almost 3 months that I'm single but yeah it still damn hurts, and it's like the pain won't subside. I can say I have stopped thinking of him, I haven't been communicating(so is he), and I'm slowly taking him out of my life even though it is really hard. Sometimes yeah I still cry at night same old reasons. As days I go to school drunk or swollen eyes I am not myself. It's like a part of me is missing. Sometimes, I ask myself these questions: 1.why do I always have to be broken? 2.why am I not happy? 3. when will I find him? but I know all those questions have no definite answer so I dunno if I'll still love again I'm traumatized. I remember just days ago a guy was following me and I was freaked out so I walked as fast as I can but yeah he catched up, and started talking but since I have my headphones on I pretended I wasn't hearing anything, anyway he was asking for my name and my number I just answered in english that I can't understand a thing he said and yeah I walked away. Anyway I had weird dreams that shows me how I'll be happy. It was 3 dreams lols and yes there we're three guys involved one is marco, one is a close guy friend(wag na itanong syet) and one is someone I have never met before. The 1st dream was not really good because it made me cry lol. it was marco who was this guy involve. it was still a heartbreak dream of us letting each other free yeah my eyes was swollen. 2nd dream was the guy friend he kissed me in front of many people and asked me "hindi ka aamin na gusto mo rin ako?" syet then he yelled "di lang kita gusto mahal din kita at hindi kita sasaktan" grabe yun eh kinilig ako but it's impossible though XD 3rd dream was a rocker dude we we're in another country and we have the same personality and we agree on everything. he had this band and he played my fave the killers song "mr.brightside" in a big gig and asked me if he could be my mr.brightside. Weird thing is most what I dream about when I sleep happens so if dream 2 and 3 happens i'll be back in the love industry. but if not well it'll be years until I love again. how I hate being alone. I'm getting myself a dog sometime soon. just wish me luck on my plans on participating as a exchange student and pray that I can get my damn visa. till my weirdness conquer me again, I'll post my feelings.

I recently made a tumblr account (rei-unwanted.tumblr.com), another outlet where I can add shits and thoughts. and yeah for those people who have tumblr accounts follow wahaha.

Recently, Kjwan’s song Pause got stuck on my head and it makes think of Marco. Yeah, I’ts been two months since I’ve broke up with him since napagod ako, nagsawa.. kasi wala pagbabago eh. Sometimes, I wish we could rewind time and pause it at it’s best para hindi na mawala, but there comes changes and time passes hindi tayo pwedeng magstay sa isang masayang sitwasyon lang. Hay. Siguro kung pwede nga irewind ang oras marami siguro ako binalikan, siguro kung pwede baguhin yung mga nangyari na gagawin ko para umayos.Pero hindi pwede eh, at ang pwede lang natin gawin ay harapin kung ano yung mga dapat harapin kung baga sabi nga “keep moving forward”. Honestly, I miss Marco but I don’t think na dadating parin yung time na para samin at kami parin. I don’t even see myself in 10 years na sya kasama ko. It hurts and it’s sad kasi kailangan ko i-throw away yung mga plinano namin noon, at mahirap kasi kailangan ko ayusin yung sarili ko. I have to spoil myself as much as possible para sumaya ako but still may kulang eh. It’s said and done, wala na. Babalikan ko nalang masasayang ala ala natin sa panaginip ko.

SO yeah PEOPLE, I'm not a serious type of person, I often take things careless because I don't wanna be pressured but since this post is about my career and guess what I'm cramming like a loco XD. MY mom said I have her fighting spirit, but I guess I also got her cramming thing lol. But anyway it's not my first time facing a Consul, since I had gone through an interview last February and yeah I'm still upset, yeah it's my first time alone on an interview GAWD more cramming XD. But before that I still have to conquer travelling from Pasay to UP Diliman for a couple of times a week starting next week I guess. I need lots of patience and if I can't handle it just expect me to give this opportunity up but yeah I'M PURSUING THIS SO IT'S KINDA IMPOSSIBLE THAT I'LL GIVE IN. ALSO, starting today I'M DOING A PRACTICE IN SPEAKING ENGLISH SO YEAH YOU GUESSED IT I'M GOING TO USE ENGLISH MOST OF THE TIME. XD and before anything else this is the shit:(LOL more on next entries and please wish me my best of luck :) ) GENERAL APPLICATION PROCESS FLOW Following is the general process for joining any FPI overseas program. This will vary depending on your chosen program. FPI will guide you step-by-step on the process and will provide all necessary assistance you need. • Submit filled up preliminary application form together with your resume • Attend the orientation with your parents or guardian • Take the Language, Skills, Logic & Reasoning and Personality Assessment tests • Attend financial briefing with parents or guardian • Pay the program fee deposit • Submit all the requirements • Wait for the Host Interview Schedule; get accepted • Wait for confirmation of placement • Sign the Training Plan or Job Specific • Pay the remaining balance of program fee • Wait for the Visa Documents • Prepare for embassy interview • Apply to the Embassy; get visa • Make travel arrangements (must have approval of FPI); FPI sends arrival information to partner • Attend required pre-departure orientations • Departure

I've been talking about the film "The Secret" ever since I watched the film. I even bought the book last week because I am really, really serious about applying it in all aspects of my life. It's been a month since I learned about the law of attraction, and for some reasons I don't know how to explain it, but it really transformed me into a different person.

It's amazing how life can really turn around with just a shift of thought. I become more conscious with my thoughts all the time. I never let negative things/emotions/people get into me. When something doesn't feel good, I always see to it that I'll turn it around at once, by thinking of those things that I should be thankful for. Believe me, when you're in the state of being grateful. you will never feel bad. When you appreciate even the small things that are happening to you, you will always be thankful for your existence. You will start to feel good. You will start to have a good relationship with your workmates, you will love your job and you will feel happy in everything that you do. I just wish my close friends and loved ones knew about the law of attraction. I wonder why this is not being taught in school, when in fact this is more important than algebra.

I am happy with my current job, but I would say that I am happier with my current business. It is my current business which made me realize all these things. I would say that this is the best thing that ever happened to me this year. Aside from the money, it changed my outlook in life, it made me a better person.

• Knowing and living "The Secret."
• Having a good relationship with my work mates and friends.
• A better relationship with Ruther.
• I am grateful that my business is progressing.
• I am grateful for having new friends.
• I am grateful for waking up each day knowing that it is another day when I become a step closer to what I want to achieve in life.