i lost her... i completely lost her... no excuse for breaking my heart again... i guess that's how the story ends... just a taste of how it feels to have her back... i'm not cleaning up for myself... i know it was my fault... making her feel bad all the time... if only i can turn back the time... if only... mother fuckin' me... you'll realize what you have when you already lost it... now i'm back to this "moving on" thingy... endless yearning...

                i'll stop pretending... i still want her back... it's hard to forget her... tried to focus my attention to different things... girls... sigh... i just find myself fooling myself... who am i kidding..? can't blame her for finding someone much much better than her stupid ex... yeah me... i guess i truly deserve to get hurt like this... she's like spitting in my face... telling me how stupid i am... making me feel jealous... yeah she did it... again... i even called her "insensitive piece of shit"... sorry... yeah, do what you want... i deserve it...

                i'm sorry for hurting you... i know you're happy now... i just wish you all the best... don't change... i hope those unpleasant things i heard weren't true... psst! i'm just here...

               damn it was hard... i thought i will not be able to get through it... yes i was hurt... big time... like shooting me and leaving me to die... i suffered the consequences of love... i should have used my head...
               it's over... i forgave her... it wasn't easy but, i will just kill myself if i will still try to fix it... i'm not the forcing type... i chose to let her go... let her live without any worries and frustrations... i just wish that we're in good terms... you can trust my words from now on... i learned to forget and now i can finally say that i have moved on... sincerely speaking...
               right now all i want is to go back to my sanctuary... yes, my sanctuary... i was blinded before... i made it so complicated... more than two months of thinking and "preparing"... now i'm ready... ready to face the people i hurt before... ready to accept any consequences that they'll throw to me...
               see you guys soon... i hope...
               and to you... stay happy and safe... wish you all the best...

                                                                                      -st. mArviN-

                    here comes another night... another night of deep thinking and insanity... a missing piece... where are you now..? moving on... sounds simple... this endless yearning is killing me... no one ever said it was going to be easy... consquences suck... i took off my mask... got time to wait for tomorrow... a new man with deeper respect... more powerful mind... the only hope is for the time to stand still... and for her to still hmm... it's a great new year... GOD help me...

            hey... take care...^_^ -01

                    shit happens... a lot...  a memorable christmas... a very lonely one... i learned a lesson... too bad i need to get hurt first... right love at the wrong time... yeah damn right... i did it for the best... didn't want her life to be messed up... i let her go... it doesn't mean i'm weak... i'm just showing how strong i am to fight the urge of wanting something i'm not supposed to have... for now... i hope... i wanted to cry but my tears won't come out... i could only hear a cry within my soul... we've been through challenges... some are very nerve cracking yet funny... i used to say "it ain't over til' it's over..." but now it is... i knew this could happen...  a friend told me before that sooner or later will be the climax... haha... only GOD knows what's next for us... "kung tayo, tayo talaga..."

                    that night... damn it was very unexpected... the most memorable night... i didn't want to sleep anymore... didn't want to finish the night... i love her more than anyone else... i'd do anything for her... give up anything for her... common lines but, i'm serious... i'm sincere... love could mean so much...

                    after my heartbreak with a rockstar, i thought it'll be hard for me to love again... until... ehem... i see her everyday... a very wonderful person... at first, just a simple crush... it feels like heaven when she smiles... haha... a simple crush turned to something they call "love"...

                    that night... thought i was just dreaming... "i love you too"... damn, it made me jump like a crazy man in my bed... like i was high in ecstasy... haha... til' next time...

                   hey GOD, this is too much... thnx...