it all starts with a HEAVY BREAKFAST…

early in the morning…

wind from the beach…

sunlight burning my eyes…

light a cig…

business in the bathroom…

play with the old dog…

watch tv…

listen to mellow songs…

still burning time…

here comes the next meal…

food here i come again…

my stomach’s full and about to explode…

light a cig…

nothing beats the peaceful breeze at noon…

siesta, quiet sleep…

it's already afternoon…

take a bath…

freshen up…

stretch my legs and take a walk…

grill some barbeque…

outside the church…

sight seeing, sound tripping, eating barbecue…

light a cig…

to the beach…

again, sight seeing…

chilling, digging my toes into the sand…

still burning time…

it gets dark…

heading back home…

light a cig, waiting for dinner…

again and again, food here i come…

i better use my hands on this one…

just finished eating a whale…

light a cig…

chill out watching the sky filled with stars…

wtf, so gay…

fireflies flying all around like floating kryptonite pebbles…

ridiculously hypnotizing…

about to go to sleep…

i light my last cigarette stick …

thought about cutting my horns and changing myself blah blah blah…

whatever…

WHEN I GET HOME I’M A SAINT…

or maybe not…

another day…

and it all starts with a HEAVY BREAKFAST…

                   feeling a little good... feeling of a man who doesn't give a damn... come what may... happy-go-lucky... forgetting each and every shit that happened... always laughing like hell... smiling is always been easier than explaining why i'm sad... throwing senseless jokes and making everybody happy... everyday is the same thing... steady living...
                   love..? still searching for the RIGHT one... someone i can give my whole trust... someone who doesn't eat what she says... not insensitive... not a cock sucker... more matured... someone MUCH MUCH better... i hope it's the girl in my mind... and hey you! get the fuck out of my sight please... you're starting to piss me off... haha just kidding... just keeping it steady... can we be cool again..? don't worry i have nothing against you and your FB... i mean BF... let's be friends ok..? peace! o_OV
                    steady feeling... steady life... yeah full of sins...

                i lost her... i completely lost her... no excuse for breaking my heart again... i guess that's how the story ends... just a taste of how it feels to have her back... i'm not cleaning up for myself... i know it was my fault... making her feel bad all the time... if only i can turn back the time... if only... mother fuckin' me... you'll realize what you have when you already lost it... now i'm back to this "moving on" thingy... endless yearning...

                i'll stop pretending... i still want her back... it's hard to forget her... tried to focus my attention to different things... girls... sigh... i just find myself fooling myself... who am i kidding..? can't blame her for finding someone much much better than her stupid ex... yeah me... i guess i truly deserve to get hurt like this... she's like spitting in my face... telling me how stupid i am... making me feel jealous... yeah she did it... again... i even called her "insensitive piece of shit"... sorry... yeah, do what you want... i deserve it...

                i'm sorry for hurting you... i know you're happy now... i just wish you all the best... don't change... i hope those unpleasant things i heard weren't true... psst! i'm just here...

                   oh summer... the best season... new things everyday... extreme heat soaking my body... haha i'm loving it... i'm back to my old sanctuary... nothing much changed... haha they were all like; "welcome back you fucking demon!!!" then i just said; "no, i'm a priest... i'm a saint..." as if... in good terms..? i hope so... no more devil in disguise...
                   damn these bunch of kids are really annoying...  shouting like  they're the only ones around here... i don't give a damn...
                   non-stop drinking sessions, swimming, out of towns, funny pranks... couldn't get enough... "have you seen that mohawk guy..?" haha cool... i look like a rooster... gotta try something new right..? haha adventures of st. marvin... yeah right... or should i say misadventures..?  well that's it for now i guess... got nothing more to say... and oh! my halo-halo is waiting... haha...

                   it's been a while since my last post... a lot of shit happened these past few days... shocking but very funny... i almost died laughing... i wonder how all these stupid pigs fit in this small planet... never mind...
                   school..? down on it's last two weeks i think... damn i will surely miss my classmates... they're all fun to be with... lots of pranks... got one word to describe them... INSANE... they're insanity is out of this world... haha now that's exaggerated... i thought i'd become a "loner" after losing my friends... i dunno what really happened... pretty girls really had them hooked up... thank GOD for some crazy old friends... and to new ones, thanks for being nice... haha do i sound like i'm leaving..?
                  here comes the best season... summer heat... cold nights... bitches and gimmicks... oops, i spelled it wrong... beaches... sand and water... haha sorry for that... excited..? hell yeah... i'm feeling better...  can't wait...       

"THE ADVENTURES OF ST.MARVIN..."

               damn it was hard... i thought i will not be able to get through it... yes i was hurt... big time... like shooting me and leaving me to die... i suffered the consequences of love... i should have used my head...
               it's over... i forgave her... it wasn't easy but, i will just kill myself if i will still try to fix it... i'm not the forcing type... i chose to let her go... let her live without any worries and frustrations... i just wish that we're in good terms... you can trust my words from now on... i learned to forget and now i can finally say that i have moved on... sincerely speaking...
               right now all i want is to go back to my sanctuary... yes, my sanctuary... i was blinded before... i made it so complicated... more than two months of thinking and "preparing"... now i'm ready... ready to face the people i hurt before... ready to accept any consequences that they'll throw to me...
               see you guys soon... i hope...
               and to you... stay happy and safe... wish you all the best...

                                                                                      -st. mArviN-

           and still fighting the urge... putting all of my faith and trust... hiding my frustrations... lost someone special... yes, it was fatal... i thought we we're invulnerable... sigh... enough of this sentimental lines...

                      gamble here, gamble there... everyday is the same thing... better than staying at home and ordering the furnitures to stand still... just freeing myself from boredom... loosing up a bit... trying to replace the yearning with laugh trips and stupid pranks... oh yes... easy come, easy go... hmm... on second thought, NO... it's never easy forgetting something you loved more than your life... dunno what will happen next... i said this before right..? my mind is troubled again... well, got nothing more to say... another senseless post...

                    here comes another night... another night of deep thinking and insanity... a missing piece... where are you now..? moving on... sounds simple... this endless yearning is killing me... no one ever said it was going to be easy... consquences suck... i took off my mask... got time to wait for tomorrow... a new man with deeper respect... more powerful mind... the only hope is for the time to stand still... and for her to still hmm... it's a great new year... GOD help me...

            hey... take care...^_^ -01

                    shit happens... a lot...  a memorable christmas... a very lonely one... i learned a lesson... too bad i need to get hurt first... right love at the wrong time... yeah damn right... i did it for the best... didn't want her life to be messed up... i let her go... it doesn't mean i'm weak... i'm just showing how strong i am to fight the urge of wanting something i'm not supposed to have... for now... i hope... i wanted to cry but my tears won't come out... i could only hear a cry within my soul... we've been through challenges... some are very nerve cracking yet funny... i used to say "it ain't over til' it's over..." but now it is... i knew this could happen...  a friend told me before that sooner or later will be the climax... haha... only GOD knows what's next for us... "kung tayo, tayo talaga..."

                    that night... damn it was very unexpected... the most memorable night... i didn't want to sleep anymore... didn't want to finish the night... i love her more than anyone else... i'd do anything for her... give up anything for her... common lines but, i'm serious... i'm sincere... love could mean so much...

                    after my heartbreak with a rockstar, i thought it'll be hard for me to love again... until... ehem... i see her everyday... a very wonderful person... at first, just a simple crush... it feels like heaven when she smiles... haha... a simple crush turned to something they call "love"...

                    that night... thought i was just dreaming... "i love you too"... damn, it made me jump like a crazy man in my bed... like i was high in ecstasy... haha... til' next time...

                   hey GOD, this is too much... thnx...

                    it's been like, i think a month since my last post... got nothing to say really... just here to express something haha... after god's forgiveness and giving me a chance to change, i tried my best to change myself and be a better man... sounds funny but, that's what i feel ^_^... many days passed, many challenges and hardships... before, i thought that i can do anything... be anything... i thought i'm smarter than anyone... better than anyone... hmm... i even considered myself a GOD... pathetic... i was wrong... terribly wrong... i realized that i'm just a  stupid boy in the eyes of the "real" god... i'm just a dumb ass trying to be superior to everyone...this is so embarrassing but writing all this bullshit helps me feel at ease ^_^...
                    my friends got together and already fixed their "issues"... no talking really happened (i think)... it's already understood the moment they popped out the party... i saw the smiles from the faces of my friends... i was hoping to see tears so i could laugh... haha... but no one cried... i'm just wishing that their smiles were sincere and not end up to another backstabbing session...
                    hmm... i guess that's all for now folks... folks..? haha... ^_^

                    this past few weeks i felt better... i started to forget all my frustrations and hardships... i focused on my studies but still, always late... next week is our finals and next is sembreak... can't wait... my friends had another "conflict"... they're separated... i don't know how to fix their problem... think it's up to them to swallow their pride and just forgive each other... haha i'm talking like i'm good at these things... but that's base on my experience... right now all i think about is feeling GOOD... sounds non-sense but, i like my life to be just as simple as sleep, eat, listen to "good" music and sleep again... hey GOD, am i being blessed???

                    dude you think you know but you have no idea... you're annoying... your betrayal already broke me... i'm sick and tired of all your stupid complements... you think you're smarter than me..? think a thousand times again... dude you're not like this before... you have changed... changed a lot... you think you're better than anyone... i gave her to you... just don't mess with me this time... it will not be as easy as before...

                    my life is a mess... a life full of sins and things without sense... found an inspiration once but did not last... i was betrayed... i can easily forgive but it's hard to forget... also my fault not making my move...
                    my life is complicated... my friends are always having issues with each other... all these backstabbing sessions, bullshit... "my respect is shorter than my patience..." -conolas, a friend... didn't take these words seriously at first but come to think of it, it makes sense... works for me now...
                    my life is a disaster... always late in class... can't stop my bad habits... black sheep in the family... wtf is happening to me..? first day of midterms, i wasn't able to take my test... i was late again... every day's the same thing... wasting my time, money and life...
                    my life is a living hell... i think GOD is punishing me for "discriminating" (can't think of any word) HIM and HIS SON'S name... i'm being cursed and my soul is burning... what more when i get to hell... damn i'm exaggerating again...
                    my life is full of difficulties... i need to do something to feel at ease... something to relief my hatred... ten shots of liquor maybe..? nah, that won't help... not enough... should i go to church and pray for help..? i'm afraid... too afraid that my body would burst in flames and burn if i step inside a church... don't know what to do anymore... think i'll just probably gonna sleep and listen to good music... try to feel better...