ANING is CRAZEEEHHH! :3

So much has happened and I haven't blogged for a while. I miss it. Whenever I have thoughts I always try to write or type them down before they go away. I have lots of drafts on my HD, but I'm still thinking if I should post them. Most of them are just typical ramblings, and I want to write something I can be proud of.

I celebrated my birthday for three days this year. It's the first time I had it this long. Don't get it wrong, it's not engrande or anything. I just celebrated it for three days. Basta.

Saturday, my parents threw a dinner / inuman / karaoke time / puyatan for me. Few friends of mine came because I wasn't really aware and sure that I will have something for that day. So, neighbors, family friends and some of my relatives spent the night with us. It's totally different from how I wanted a birthday party but I've managed to enjoy and treasure it.

Sunday is God's time. I went to church and talked to Him again. I thank Him for that day which is my exact birthday. I didn't stand up for the communion again. I still feel undeserving. Then, Father Narcing quoted, "Cast all your worries to the Lord, because he cares". So, I know He loves me, I should have no worries.

Then Monday after class, I treated my classmates for dinner. It was thisclosetogettingcancelled but luckily we've managed to get it over with. We surely had fun because we always have fun! Tampuhan and misunderstandings are there but we always try to fix it before the day ends. So, yeah. I love them.


Do you remember before when I usually say that I don't like celebrating my birthday because it only means that I'm getting older and older? Well, I'm starting to reconsider. I feel like this thinking is starting to make me more immature and weak because I feel like I am cowardly denying the reality. I know I should face it and just enjoy every moment. Besides, I'm too old and too young to whine about this.

Again, thank you to everyone who greeted me. They all had their own special way of saying it and I am really grateful to those who remembered me. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of my big big heart. If you're interested, photos are usually on my multiply account. ;)

Arigato gosaimasu!

Woohoo! I "released" my new blog last night. I'm very excited and nervous of what to write in there, so I guess I'm still experimenting on it. Alam mo 'yung feeling, parang hindi pa ako "at home". I know it's all the same, you post a blog entry and people reads and comments blah blah blah. Iba pa rin  kasi rakistablogs, eh *lol*.

This happened ages ago but somehow I'd like to blog about it because for me it's one of those moments that I'll never forget. For a moment there, I feel very grown up and independent because I was able to go to a far place on my own. It's one of the most outrageous things I've ever done, and it all happened because I was in love. I feel like I can do anything.

If you've been reading my blogs before, I always say how I wanted to go to Batangas so I could meet Vhonne. Well, I did. It took me two hours of bus drive to get there. When I got there it was really nice. Lipa City was nice (well, it looks better than this dirty, ugly city!).

Then, I saw him again. I saw him smiling, his cap was turned the other way, his simple boy next door get-up, and the ID strap I gave him when I first met him. Then, his eyes were all I see. I was really conscious about how I look because I really wanted to please him, but until now, I still don't know If I did. All in all I was really really REALLY happy. I feel safe then.

After I've met some of his officemates, we prepared for Puerto Galera. I did not feel exhausted at all, I'm also amazed, but maybe it's because Vhonne was there with me and adrenaline was high then (OH,cheeesy). Vhonne was really tired and groggy because he haven't had enough sleep from his graveyard work so I left him for a while so he could have some rest while I'll have the rest of the night with Lorraine (officemate and friend). I tried to help aine in the cooking but I was a failure. HOHOHO. Her family was nice enough to have me though, very welcoming. :)

Fast forward to morning, I saw him again at the meeting place (w/c was the office obvsly). He was early. I went up to him and hold his hand. He ate breakfast while we were waiting for the others, and when we departed, he never left my side again.

It was a 30 minute bus ride from Lipa City to Batangas Port. Then a 1 hour boat ride to White Beach, Puerto Galera. He was so sweet to me during that time. He was always smiling, and I can see that he was really happy. I'm glad that he was, because I was really happy to be there too. It was so hot when we got there, the heat made us exhausted so we just slept the whole day. BAHAHA losers.

The funny thing is, we didn't swim. We soaked on the water for like 5 minutes and it's only because he was taking a piss. (NYAHAHA, babuyin ang galera!).

Do you know that bliss when you wake up next morning and the first thing you'll see is the one you love? Well, I felt that. And it's the most wonderful feeling. Having him in my life was a blessing and the fact that I was actually holding him and looking at him in the flesh was a definite bonus. It was all worth the miles.

I wish I could do that again. I want to wake up with him again. All I can do now is reminisce. I wish it never happened, so I won't feel like I want more. I should've told myself beforehand that it's a one-time thing, so I wouldn't feel this way. I wish time stopped there.

I miss him. and it would be such hypocrisy if I say I don't. I'm starting to have these thoughts that maybe we're not really meant to be together, because it's so hard knowing and feeling that you have someone who loves you and yet you feel that maybe it's not enough. Maybe it's not really meant to be enough. :(

I'm so confused. I know I love him and he loves me but I'm unhappy because I'm not with him. Sacrifices has to be done if I really love him and that's what I'm doing right now. and It's okay. It has to be okay.

Maybe I'm just lonely. This is why I don't want to be a bum anymore. I think too much. I want someone I can talk to, but I don't feel like talking to him about it. I need my friends.

I can't wait 'til the classes starts.