just thinking out loud (details)
Im bored
with my life
and i terribly need something to do that’ll take me out of this semi-meaningless lifestyle im living; in less than 10 days i’ll be a year older and i have less achievements compare to some other people at my age - i think i need to go somewhere else and why all of a sudden i feel like im lost?
i have no idea where this thoughts came from, when i woke up this morning,i did my rituals and i felt better
i was reading some stuff online
and it just came to me, that im doing the same thing almost everyday, i wont say that its the same sh*t different day...
because unlike some other people i dont complain a lot ( honestly i dont think that this is all shitness )...
i am thankful for everything as in EVERYTHING
even if i know someone hates me or cursing me i still thank the heavens coz more or less that completes me as a human. those are just normal stuff. I know im not the only one who get those experiences. If im the only one im gonna freak out.
Even if they're putting so much challenges in my life that there are times that it seems i wont be able to handle them anymore...that is just fine and seriously i dont mind doing the same thing...its just that maybe Im just looking for something else that'll get my attention...
My plans of going somewhere else has been looooooooong overdue.
me and my sister decided to start working on that by next year,once everything is a bit settled.
Honestly i just dont know what to do with my life.
im used to following instructions and living up to the expectations of someone with authority
( like my mother or probably anyone who's older than me or who's more experienced in life )
the major decisions i've made in my life were based on the people that sorrounds me.
and i thought reading Paulo Coelho books will make me realize my "real purpose" in life.
well it did, i do believe that everybody's purpose is to search for their soulmate, ultimate happiness awaits by doing so...and the feeling of "emptiness" or "something's missing" will be gone.
i know what im looking for in my soulmate and more or less i know who that is...
i just need to spend a few moments with that man and everything will be confirmed...
the tumor in my brain ♥
(books of Paulo Coelho can better explain this)
But contemplating on the "me" part
I havent made any concrete instructions or directions for myself and i know the only reason why i dont feel so satisfied ( even if most of the time i feel like i have everything ) is because im not living my expectations -- the expectations i made on my own for myself - i dont have one.
u know that kinda sucks.
I thought when people say that "I'm lost I need to find myself" they're making a big fool of themselves but i think i feel the same way.
I dont know what i really want in my life - erase that.
I know what i want maybe i just dont know how to get it - or maybe those are just superficial and more or less wont help me in "being a human"
I wanna go to this place or somewhere else... maybe out of the country
I want to have my own camera, take pictures of beautiful places and people and events.
skydiving
or maybe i really want a boyfriend or just be in a relationship even if its not with brain tumor. Maybe i need put him on the side for a while - im already doing that and been entertaining quite a few guests.
But it'll be much better if its him, but as u have read on my previous notes i expect less and demand nothing from him - even if my mind & my heart is screaming at me , telling me they wanted to be with him...*sigh* emotions are wild horses. we know "perfect timing".
maybe i'll just get out of this place.
maybe by doing these things i'll be happy or maybe i'll learn something else.
you know its always better to regret the things that you've done thinking that it'll make you happy rather than die regretting the things you didnt do.
enihooos,going back to moi problemo...as for now im leaving everything to the heavens, i just need to know what i have to do. and i trust them, i know that they will tell me what my purpose or what i should do as long as i ask...
life is meaningful and i better go back reading "The Pilgrimage"
with my life
and i terribly need something to do that’ll take me out of this semi-meaningless lifestyle im living; in less than 10 days i’ll be a year older and i have less achievements compare to some other people at my age - i think i need to go somewhere else and why all of a sudden i feel like im lost?
i have no idea where this thoughts came from, when i woke up this morning,i did my rituals and i felt better
i was reading some stuff online
and it just came to me, that im doing the same thing almost everyday, i wont say that its the same sh*t different day...
because unlike some other people i dont complain a lot ( honestly i dont think that this is all shitness )...
i am thankful for everything as in EVERYTHING
even if i know someone hates me or cursing me i still thank the heavens coz more or less that completes me as a human. those are just normal stuff. I know im not the only one who get those experiences. If im the only one im gonna freak out.
Even if they're putting so much challenges in my life that there are times that it seems i wont be able to handle them anymore...that is just fine and seriously i dont mind doing the same thing...its just that maybe Im just looking for something else that'll get my attention...
My plans of going somewhere else has been looooooooong overdue.
me and my sister decided to start working on that by next year,once everything is a bit settled.
But then going somewhere else, means leaving my comfort zone - which im still hesitant to do, coz there are so many things that im trying to consider.
Honestly i just dont know what to do with my life.
im used to following instructions and living up to the expectations of someone with authority
( like my mother or probably anyone who's older than me or who's more experienced in life )
the major decisions i've made in my life were based on the people that sorrounds me.
and i thought reading Paulo Coelho books will make me realize my "real purpose" in life.
well it did, i do believe that everybody's purpose is to search for their soulmate, ultimate happiness awaits by doing so...and the feeling of "emptiness" or "something's missing" will be gone.
i know what im looking for in my soulmate and more or less i know who that is...
i just need to spend a few moments with that man and everything will be confirmed...
the tumor in my brain ♥
(books of Paulo Coelho can better explain this)
But contemplating on the "me" part
I havent made any concrete instructions or directions for myself and i know the only reason why i dont feel so satisfied ( even if most of the time i feel like i have everything ) is because im not living my expectations -- the expectations i made on my own for myself - i dont have one.
u know that kinda sucks.
I thought when people say that "I'm lost I need to find myself" they're making a big fool of themselves but i think i feel the same way.
I dont know what i really want in my life - erase that.
I know what i want maybe i just dont know how to get it - or maybe those are just superficial and more or less wont help me in "being a human"
I wanna go to this place or somewhere else... maybe out of the country
I want to have my own camera, take pictures of beautiful places and people and events.
skydiving
or maybe i really want a boyfriend or just be in a relationship even if its not with brain tumor. Maybe i need put him on the side for a while - im already doing that and been entertaining quite a few guests.
But it'll be much better if its him, but as u have read on my previous notes i expect less and demand nothing from him - even if my mind & my heart is screaming at me , telling me they wanted to be with him...*sigh* emotions are wild horses. we know "perfect timing".
maybe i'll just get out of this place.
well while im doing this here are the lyrics of the song that is playing on CBS radio/YahooMusic
Life is beautiful
But its complicated
we barely make it
We dont need to understand
there are miracles...
--- that is Vega4's Life is beautiful...
after that they played Foo Fighter's Miracle...teehihi.
Life is beautiful
But its complicated
we barely make it
We dont need to understand
there are miracles...
--- that is Vega4's Life is beautiful...
after that they played Foo Fighter's Miracle...teehihi.
maybe by doing these things i'll be happy or maybe i'll learn something else.
you know its always better to regret the things that you've done thinking that it'll make you happy rather than die regretting the things you didnt do.
oh now they're playing Matt Nathanson's Come on Get Higher - i ♥ this song, thanks to that Cullen boy
enihooos,going back to moi problemo...as for now im leaving everything to the heavens, i just need to know what i have to do. and i trust them, i know that they will tell me what my purpose or what i should do as long as i ask...
life is meaningful and i better go back reading "The Pilgrimage"
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comfort zone
Hi joyz, remember I was in the same situation before remember? I became a better person when I decided to step out of my comfort zone and try something else. It's not just the money, it's the way I think and the way I feel about myself that has drastically changed. Visit us sometimes and you'll understand why I became this weird! Hahaha. If you have time, check out my recent post din pala. :)