18 years old is the legal drinking age. Drink moderately.

ho hum

Jul. 5, 2010 , 10:16
“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.”
—     Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy (Via evollove)

oh well. i know what i want and most of the time i feel like i can't have it.
like its so impossible to get it when i have experienced being with it.

after all these time im still stuck "somewhere here"

I thought I was needed here. but I guess Im not.

Just tell me if I am needed and i am more than 100% willing enough to stay - even if it means being "stuck" forever.

but if i am not really  needed here, then please let me know. 'cause i don't wanna end up being pathetic and hopeless -

I know I want to stay and I love being "stuck somewhere here"

but sometimes being here hurts me too.


I don't want this to be the "something" that will take me out of my semi-routine/boring life.
i want it real.
posted by joyz kelmer
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change in plans...

Jun. 26, 2010 , 6:28
oh well, I said i'll move to blogspot, but I changed my mind because I dont have DSL yet, i dont think i'll ever have a luxurious time to get on it everyday like what I used to..

 my joint blog with Cheese is not updated too, well that is because we never had the chance to talk about it. We barely see each other at work and her last update in facebook she was saying she got problems with her internet connection too...and well, as what the others know im too lazy to text (most of the time) so I never really tried to text her about it, and its better to talk about it in person.
And she's pretty busy too.

 I have 2 blogs in tumblr, my main blog is updated like every 12 hours because my entries are on queue.LTP is private and password protected. Im not sure about that though, I havent tried to check the website on other computer/laptop - haha, but whenever I try to open the page it will always ask for the password XD

GAAAAAAH! i need a fucking whole body massage - i mean a whole body massage (excuse my french)

My back hurts, i did my laundry yesterday that's why -
I was sleeping from 7PM to 3AM -ish , woke up coz someone texted me, thanks! if u didn't  i would've known that I am hungry :)

 Last week, I was on 3 days off, but I didn't feel that I am on rest day, because I'm out for 2 days.
Its a good thing I decided to sleep the whole day on my 1st day off, but it was on that same day that I heard a bad news. My friend's mom, passed away...and she was like a 2nd mom to me. I thought of going there the following day, but then I kinda run out of time..because I have a meeting a card reader / fortune teller. I'm with the girls too so it was a very happy Thursday.

 Tita is a very good reader. I'd say she's a real pyschic. She knew that I walked out from my last relationship and that I am going out with someone. She said something that I kinda disagree but she's just reading the cards so its cool. We all like my last card, she said it means I'll be over with all the challenges in my life, its like in the end I'll be ok...its only now that I have to deal with all of these very depressing moments  but I'll get the hang of it. Good thing that I am optimistic. And at least there is an assurance that I will not share the same fate as what my mom had regarding "married life". That was a relief.
It has always been my fear - having a sad love life.
 having said that, I'm glad that I ended an unhealthy relationship. Well my friends told me, the last guy did love me and so as the other guy....but then Im not happy with them. Let's just say the spark didn't last long. Oh well, I'm over it. I'm done being bitter about it.

 The other thing that we all laugh about is the fact that I look conservative outside but I have a very broad mind -- ok, i wont elaborate on this one. Its easy to figure this out.
But i dont mean to look like that, that is just how my mom brought me up - saving my dignity and pride, like what everybody else should do.

 the fact that I tend to be a loner and quiet sometimes - there are times that I dont feel like talking, and they all agree to that - they're calling me on my fone already but still Im not answering XD

the diplomatic side, omg i never thought of myself that way. But according to her, I am like that i guess when im in an argument.

and on the 3rd day, after looking for a PT to check on Kay, i went to the wake of Tita Nenita. And was supposed to see Nanay Angel too, but then have to be somewhere else by 430 PM.,but then I arrived at 530PM ...haha! Got home like around 1030PM - it was great though! I know i didn't have enough time to rest well before going to work the following day, but at least Im happy. I get to see the people that I haven't seen for the longest time.

 enihoos, so many stuff to share but limited time....

I still have to clean my emails, facebook ( deleted about 20 people coz i dont know them ) and untagged about 100+ pictures ( haha ), downloading some John Mayer song...watching my dashboard in tumblr update in every 10-15 seconds.

i miss you , i always do :)

well Im still thinking if I should be on blogspot or not...hahaha!
posted by joyz kelmer
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moving to blogspot

Jun. 21, 2010 , 10:44
I might, but not anytime soon...

since I'll have to keep an eye on my joint blog with Cheese in BS i might just create my own blog there. But I wont delete this one. Have a lot of memories here and besides my decision is not final yet.

I just cant start without getting my internet connection fixed. So while Im still using prepaid internet connection I will still use this...enihoos, my tumblr blog is updated like every day...



ho - hum
I just hope that the person who put me on cloud 9 will never be the same person who will put me 6 feet underground

yeah im a bit scared to be obsessively attached but damn it,its hard to control your emotions especially if its so intense
and most especially if you think its for real.

i need icecream!
posted by joyz kelmer
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career,health and hair :)

Jun. 5, 2010 , 10:17
career and health

well this is my favorite ring:
turquoise (blue) is for career and the coral (red) is for health, i've had this ring for a little over 2 months ( i guess ) and im wearing it like all the time...yeah it looks weird & gets a lot of attention. haha knowing me im always into weird stuff, i mean weird pieces of jewelry...i have other rings that looks weird and necklaces too which im planning to feature here anytime soon - once i got the time to do so...goodluck to that! Or if i wont change my mind, coz right now im busy updating the other blog, it might be my main blog (or maybe not)

I bought that ring and some other stuff from Babaylan Treasures and in just like 15 - 20 minutes I learned a lot about these precious stones. But im afraid I wont have much time to share that for now.

I just realized that these past few days i am more focused on my health and work - duh I have always been busy with work.

But with regards to my health, i tend a be a little conscious now.Im thinking i have UTI
( yeah, its a self-diagnosed sickness ) because, my sides used to hurt a lot, i pee a lot and when i do its a little painful. And my urine's a little cloudy, so there. Those were the signs if you have UTI so i started drinking Buko Juice, but i prefer Cranberry Juice, which is more expensive but more effective ( I swear, I've felt the changes like a day after i start drinking it. I felt a lot better ). I slowed down on foods that are rich in Sodium (salty foods), so i dont eat a lot of junkfood (like Lays/Ruffles, French Fries and double cheeseburger, which are my favorites) and its a good thing im not into softdrinks.I prefer water or fruit juices. And yes, i've been eating some vegetables (SOME) and my day is not complete without eating any fruit (melon is my favorite). In any case that i dont get to eat fruit i make sure that ill eat something rich in fiber, like Nesvita :)

geeez, am i or am i not promoting these stuff? i should get paid for doing this.LOL

Im  not getting any younger, so i should at least start worrying about my health as early as now. I dont smoke, but i am a passive smoker, most of my officemates are smokers. But there are times that i dont join them. I dont drink a lot either. And when i do, whenever i feel like im tipsy i would stop right away and will start drinking water, until im sober.

As for my work.We still dont have an AMO (TL for some), Ian is our RAMO in which case if ever he'll be promoted then he'll be our AMO. If he's not, then they would have to look for another AMO. The tasks that we have is a little overwhelming sometimes. Especially mine, its very tideous (i must say), i mean working in excel with friggin formulas is really tiring. But so far im doing ok with it.

I just thought that, its a good thing i didnt move to another company. I'd have to say what they have to offer is really promising but i just love my team, i can't leave them now.

I thought im doing just fine, but then i guess i just needed someone to tell me that i can always do SOMETHING BETTER.

My teammates has been very supportive and cooperative (im glad they are). Nakakataba lang ng puso kasi these people would wait for me everyday, though its OTTY, especially Mommy Shirley who waited for me until like 7am and trying to help me fix my myperf last Tuesday. thanks mommy,ily!

updates & some of the few things i learned during those days that I am busy
  • someone's getting married (mike) aba buti ka pa :)
  • there's a bee, pero ang bubuyog na gusto ko wala roflmao - at kahit ilang bee pa ang dumaan, dedma!
  • I CAN ALWAYS DO BETTER
  • i have a lot of reasons to be motivated and be happy everyday (one of them is you)
  • if i want something, i should always make an effort to have it - even if i have no idea if the effort is being appreciated.
  • i dont have time for people who are cynical or trying make me one. i am OPTIMISTIC get it or get lost!
  • im planning of sharing my being optimistic attitude to someone - see if my charms will work

hair

  • i wont cut my hair - as in hell no! i was thinking of cutting it short again because of the hot weather, but then it started raining bwaahaha.
  • and i promise not another heartache will make me change my hair again.ayun lang,medyo nawawala na ang pagkacurly ng hair ko.back to straight hair in no time.
that's it for now...hanggang 10AM lang ang internet ko, hindi pa kasi naibabalik ang DSL namin eh.
posted by joyz kelmer
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put a smile on my face

May. 31, 2010 , 9:01
im pretending im ok in front of you guys
but i am dying deep inside

well at least to a few people they know what's going on

sometimes its just hard to accept the fact that not everybody can agree to whatever makes you happy, even if they say so.
you can still feel how they disagree on those stuff

no matter how delighted and content you are whenever you have those "happy stuff"
well i know they care only in a different way, coz they have the ability to look on the other side of the picture while im blinded by the "beautiful stuff" and prefer not to look and dwell on the bad ones.

ok, im aware of the bad sides and trust me i tell that to myself like everyday
but you do realize how hard it is for me to accept these and hearing you disagree does not help me at all.
it makes it even harder for me to accept and deal with this kind of stuff.

and forgive me if i rather keep my mouth shut.
i dont think its necessary for me to share the things that makes me happy.

i am delighted and pretty content with what i have, and i am badly wishing that this will not end/disappear.
i am in a blissful state, all i ask is for you not to ruin it.

i know what i have to do
i know when to stop
but i do hope you would understand that this is not easy for me either. not at all.

ok, i just realized how contradicting this entry is.
i started it as im dying deep inside but a part of me is very happy.

oh well.
posted by joyz kelmer
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new blog

May. 29, 2010 , 12:59
here's the link
http://solittletime-kesongmasaya.blogspot.com/

for my friend Cheese :)



still have to work on that blog though, reading and changing those codes makes me dizzy.
haha!
posted by joyz kelmer
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mid-life crisis

May. 15, 2010 , 5:52
my sister told me the other day im having a mid life crisis and i laughed at her telling her, no im just bored as in BORED!

i need something to get me out of a semi-routine life, all i do is go to work...home...work...home and on several occassions i go out with my friends but its not everyweek and if it were then i'd probably be out of blue, i wont be feeling sorry and sad...
SELF-PITY

yeah that stupid feeling gets me sometimes too, if you think about it im pretty lucky with life. I'd say i got everything i want and if ever there's something i need, i'll make it a point that i'll get it or if the situation really doesnt allow me to have it, then i'd think of something else in exchange of that...but most often than not i get what i want, i have the sources. its just that i got some of those on "PRIORITY" list the others really have to be compromised.

and when the time of the month comes, that's when i feel so pathetic. its when i realized the thing that i really need and its what i want for the longest time. but then i dont know for some effin reason i never had the courage to demand for it i dont know where the hell i got patience to face this.
i swear it could kill me one day.

im a very appreciative person, i say thank you even to the smallest deed that you will do for me and  i never hated life, not even once. i am so blessed to have a life like this despite the gazillion challenges, i know there's a reason for everything. and as what everybody says, im very optimistic,
i see the good in everything (thanks to the Law of Attraction)
but at times like these i cant help but ask why.
why can i be like anyone else?

i cry whenever i feel that there's missing in my life.and i never stop myself from crying whenever i feel this, its true, reality sucks sometimes...but i have to face it. its the only thing that's missing in my life, the only thing that makes me cry.and this is the only aspect in my life where i get so pessimist. but whenever i have the chance to feel this,   im in my happiest mood - people can tell that.
why does everybody else have it and i dont?


i know i can have it from anyone, i got loads of friends that can help me with that, but then if i let them it'll be (somewhat) pointless -     it'll be hard for me to explain why, so i wont try to do so.

more or less they have an idea what this is all about.well they told me if its really what i want go for it, do anything to get it.and i've been thinking what else should i do? words are not enough, tried to put them into actions but i guess it doesnt count either.

honestly, i cant think of anything else to do.believe it or not i've been praying for it.
i need more patience, and if its really not meant for me, then at least i would need the courage to accept it.

a few times i asked for someone else, i had a few...but then i always go back to him. from the moment i met him until this very second...he was never out of my mind. he's always been here. constantly making me happy and sad at the same time. its crazy. what's with him that i just cant let go? why can i not love anyone else and be loved back the way i wanted it to be? why do i have to love him?
i've been asking myself these questions like everyday...

once he asked me "dun ka nalang sa iba" silly! and he got a silly reason for saying that, well if my mom raised me up na mukhang - pera i would have done that, i will just marry someone who's fucking rich then i dont have to worry about my future and my family's future. i'll live my life wearing branded clothes, get my own island, have my dream car with a driver that's a robot.

but then im proud that we were raised by my mom (alone) na hindi mukhang pera.Im not greedy and im not materialistic. though i know i can if i want to. but like what i said earlier, i have a pririoty list...the material stuffed that's not really a necessity, i can just let go of that anytime
- i dont need all of these, i just want to be loved.

a friend once told me "you tried to forget about him, you tried to let go...but you never really wanted to do that. That's basically the reason why you're not moving on...coz u dont want it in the first place,you're just saying that you want to and you do stuff thinking that that will help you move on, but deep inside you want to continue loving him. Don't force yourself to do it, let it happen naturally."
makes sense.

im done. done being emotional for the month. just have to blog out my extreme emotions.i bet after this im back to being ME again - happy go lucky, making fun of my friends, joking around, being a bitch, just happy and enjoying life.till next month, when Red visits me again.

oh btw - the reason why my sister told me that is because i told her to introduce me to someone who got the potentials, because im bored..and she goes "haha, mid-life crisis na yan" and im like "NO! hahaha"
i have held you and kissed you the way i wanted to
watched you sleep like i would whenever i will have the chance.
those memories never failed to make me smile.

you know, before those were just thoughts in my head and then it happened
so now they're memories...will they stay in my head as memories forever or will they happen again?
posted by joyz kelmer
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...

Apr. 27, 2010 , 9:45
Photobucket
posted by joyz kelmer
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....

Apr. 24, 2010 , 12:37
commitment is something else... i just thought of asking that because i have to know where i stand.
I have the tendency to be assumptive sometimes, and since the situation involves you i dont wanna assume anything at all.


i like you, a lot!
you make me happy, and i dont know if i will ever feel that kind of bliss with any other man. It amazes me most of the time how you can make me laugh at loud like there's no tomorrow. I love being with you, i enjoy every second of it.

but then i agree with you, its better that we get to know each other first - its funny that we've known each other for almost 3 years (?) yet i barely know you (you wont even tell me your fucking name!).

i loved you
and i guess i want you to love me back - that's what i want before.

now i dont know.

all i know is im happy when im with you,
i hope to see you again
posted by joyz kelmer
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hmmmm

Apr. 22, 2010 , 11:25
Although you are fairly optimistic today about your long-term plans, more immediate problems could create some anxiety. You know there is a solution to the stress you feel between personal and professional matters, but it doesn't seem possible now to choose one over the other. Fortunately the larger issues will fall into place if you stay focused on what's right in front of you. Act locally while thinking globally.

-- my horoscope for the day, i just cant stop myself from reading those emails :)
and it sounds about right....i couldnt disagree.

But i still dont know how to react with the current problem im facing


The offer is very tempting, who would say no to a 10k increase in your salary? damn it!
But then thinking about it if i go now, i may not get paid for almost a month...changing jobs now is like too risky for me.

if i go now, training starts on May 6, they have differnt payschedule...might not get paid middle of May, musta naman ang bills na babayaran ko...ayan nga, wala akong unlimited na internet, nakaprepaid broadband ako dahil ndi ko pa bayad ung fone...well ni-let go ko talaga ung fone, ehehe. prepaid nalang muna.
next batch for this "job" is sa november pa, mom was like pwede ka din naman mag-antay if you really wanna move out, which is not bad din naman, at least my friends who'll start on May 6 can give me heads up in november.

and recently a lot of good stuff happened in my current job,the meet and greet, the FGD, my commendation call (where in Boss H and Boss P gave me cute memos & chocolates too :) ) - gaaaaah! its just hard to decide.

And one more thing, my uncles will help me to leave this place.if all goes well, then im gonna say hello to ------- LOL!
I always have my fingers cross for this one.it would be nice to see...

ay naku, isisimba ko nalang ulit to sa Quiapo bukas...ng maliwanagan isip ko.
posted by joyz kelmer
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