thank you for the very long comment :)
thanks for reminding about that book,i've read that before...maybe i forgot the things i learned from there.

eh you think that's passionate? my previous entry? nuh uh, i was a bit of mad and disappointed and sad while doing that...that's how i felt when i broke up with Mike and ... blah blah!

i thought having the Johns and Bernard Palanca in my life will make a difference, it did...and still making some changes but the tumor is still here.
and guess what it takes another man for me to realize some stuff.

remember when i said that i tried to move on from that tumor, several procedures took place just for me to get him out of my life....
and this guy told me well "you havent tried very hard to get over him, because of you did you wouldnt feel bad about not seeing him, you wont cry that hard if you're really over him. Maybe you thought you're trying to get over him but deep inside maybe you really dont wanna do that."

and that was like a huge slap on my face :)
i guess he's right, maybe deep inside i really didnt want to get over him...

but as for now, i dont know how i feel about that tumor.
i still think about him though, how nice would it be to wake up beside him and all that crap but as for now i doubt that it'll happen....
my hopes are all gone in fact im thinking that he wont talk to me again.
and if ever that'll happen then that's beginning of me getting over him.

i guess i was just addicted to him, like my own brand of heroine

well,i'd rather not elaborate on my feelings for him.its pointless anyways he wont even make a comment about it so im thinking why should i keep on saying that i like this guy....being with him is like suntok sa buwan - u get what i mean?

and i dont know how to explain this, but i believed in him.I believed that this is LOVE.
my hopes were so high...and *sigh*  that's it i wont talk about it anymore.
one thing's for sure i will still love that tumor, will still care about him and that's it.
like what i said i wasnt really expecting anything from him but deep inside i want him to love me too.
but not anymore.

i dont know how to continue believing in him
i used to tell myself that maybe we're meant to be stuck with each other like this, and that destiny will soon find a way for us to be together...
but to be honest, i find that hard to believe now.
i need a break -  nakakalungkot lang talaga pag naalala ko siya.


i still believe in love that seems to not exist all the time
we all know someone might take over his place in my heart anytime soon.
coz lately i am thinking of someone else.though being with that guy means waiting again that's fine, i have waited long enough for the tumor...for sure i can do it with another guy.
i'll keep on waiting and searching for the right one at least i got myself "reserved"

"people will never get tired of loving, that's a fact...people will only get tired of waiting and crying"

so after a very loooooooooooooooong vacation here i decided to visit my blog and make an entry,been preoccupied with my tumblr account, clicking that heart button gazillion times everyday, reblogging or putting them on queue.as for now cuddle spam is on queue.

To be honest i got tired of making a very long and detailed entries here, got sick of it i guess. But dont get me wrong, i dont hate this page. I admit it took me a few seconds to figure out my password. But i still love this blog. There's so much memories in here, of course this is my life....my life for the past 3 or 4 years? i dont know...i lost track already.

and what the heck brought me back on this site?
read carefully, my emotions are so intense as of right now and i might be able to tell who that person is.

i've been keeping that man's identity for a loooooooong time as well, i believe ever since i met him. which is like 3 years ago.

i know some of you got an idea who that is.
i have chosen several people to know about  what's going on.the very few people who were able to read my notes in facebook about him.
Goodness that man never failed to excite me whenever he would talk to me, I swear i get so fucking excited with just 1 senseless text from him.

this is about the famous tumor.
and i got a lot of questions for him that i think its unnecessary to be answered, but i would still like to ask, maybe it'll change something.
well i dont know if you're still checking this, dont know if you;re still reading some of my posts,maybe you'll get to read this like after a year or two....or maybe not at all. i dont fucking care, coz what matters to me is im able to telll you whatever the heck i feel like telling you NOW!

what is this? i mean what do we have?
maybe nothing
maybe its just lust - but i hate to think of it that way. coz i feel like there's something more, or maybe its just me.assuming that you like me.that you have feelings for me.

why are you doing this is to me?
pucha ka naman eh! ilang libong beses ko ng inamin na mahal kita, kulang nalang ako na mangligaw sa'yo! eto na nga't dadayo na ako makita lang kita,makasama ka lang!

oh well, hindi ko naman hawak ang oras mo...at ang oras ko ay limited din.

alam mo yung feeling na gusto mong mahalin yung isang tao, pero ayaw mo maging gf or bahagi ng mundo nila, kasi alam mo na kung gaano kasikip yun at lagi ka nalang nakasingit sa schedule nila???

gusto kitang mahalin pero ayokong umasa ng kahit ano mula sa'yo, well mahal na nga kita eh. ilang taon na?
ah ewan ko siguro gusto ko lang din na mahalin mo ako - pero parang hindi din.

ang sakit mo sa brain cells
sumasakit din puso ko dahil sa'yo
ako na ang napapagod kasi lagi kang tumatakbo sa utak ko

ang corny pero yan yung totoo

*sigh*
andaming nasayang na oras, na pagkakataon

well sorry naman sa ilang beses na pagtanggi ko,kasi naman magtetext ka may pasok ako, ilang beses ko ng sinabi ayoko ng ganun, ayoko ng naghahabol sa oras ko...nakakabitin.

pero sa totoo lang,naglileave lang ako sa work para makasama ka
at aaminin ko pag hindi natutuloy nakakalungkot.
kasi lagi kong iniimagine yung itsura mo pag tulog ka na
tapos tatampalin kita para magising ka
tapos tatanungin ko lang kung baket ngaun mo lang ako binigyan ng oras mo?



sorry huh, pero nung last time naiyak na talaga ko.
nagtext ako ng thursday, hindi mo ako nireplyan...wala kang text buong araw nung Friday, nagtext ka Saturday...
ang sabi ko friday tayo magkita....friday!

magkita nalang siguro tayo pag madami ka ng bakanteng oras...at parehas tayong hindi naghahabol


argh!mahal kita pong ang hirap para saken na kalimutan ka't dedmahin nalang.
but i can never blame you and i wont, hindi mo naman kasi hiniling to, hindi mo naman sinabi saken na mahalin kita...ako may gusto nito.
kahit pa siguro sabihin mo saken na wag kitang mahalin, hindi ko din magagawa. hindi ko alam kung baket.
madami naman jan na mas gwapo sa'yo,na may oras para saken...kung yung iba nga magmumula pa ng ibang bansa bakit ikaw pa ung gusto ko.

• Sometimes I think that I just want you THIS bad because I CAN'T have you.

• i've seen your imperfections, i know your flaws.and i loved you though i know i cant have you.we wont spend the rest of our lives with each other.but you knw i would die just to be with you.but dying because of this reason alone is pathetic.pointless and sad.so please,feel free to change these thoughts.

• i hate that i effin el.oh.vi.ee you, its like no matter how many boys i met along the way no one could ever make me get over you. you're the only piece of sh*t that i love. i mean F.U!. this is pathetic!absurd!i hate you & i hate every little thing that you do that makes me love you more.

------- TUMBLR POST Feb 01 2010


umamin ka na ginayuma mo ako noh?
that's it, ok na ako...move on na.naglabas lang ako ng ka-echusan.
balik tumblr na ako.

sa haba ng text ko sa'yo,naiyak lang ako sa reply mo.
oo na, tamad na magtext...sige na!

at oo may nagbago na sa'ken , madami naglike sa facebook - mga adik lang!


namiss ko din kayong lahat - next time nalang ako magbabasa ng mga post ninyo.
may inaasikaso pa akong importanteng tao

i couldnt thank this people enough,they really made my day a happy one
and apologies coz it took so many time before i decided to blog about my birthday.

a few days before my birthday my Boss surprised me with a heart-shaped cake...i embraced her a little tight coz i wasnt really expecting that.And so me and my friends enjoyed eating the cake during our break at the same time we were getting our lockers checked so nasa may basement kami...and super sarap pa nung cake, everybody loves it! That's the special cake from Laguna ( ahem,un ung sinasabi dati ni Mike ).

And i made this wishlist in facebook,all my friends get to see that...oh well,konti nalang, kumpleto na :)
Thanks to my friends who helped me in getting my wishlist.I couldnt thank them enough. I spent 2 days answering all the messages and wall posts in FB,accepting gifts and all that...im left wishing its my birthday everyday,hahaha!

And everybody knows that there's 4 of us who's celebrating our birthdays on 12/13 - me, my friend DK, my inaanak Yahannah and Pong - hope u have a good one too!
Apparently i was waiting for someone to greet me,thinking that my day will be more meaningful if i got at least one hello from him - but i didnt and im ok with it. I dont miss him that much but knowing myself if one of these days i got a msg from him,i'll start missing him like crazy - again ( and again and again )

Last Tuesday morning we had our team breakfast, its actually my birthday celebration at the same time despedida party for Rica. That's another happy day ♥

enihoos:i just had one embarrassing moment at the office,the elevator scene - read along

me and Jovs are talking about this couple who used to argue a lot,Jovs is like having the same dilemma kasi. And so this couple decided not to talk for 4 days and Im like, its ok...if the couple thinks that's what they need...its perfectly fine.
Imagine - the elevator is jampacked...and everybody's talking...

Jovs - hindi ko talaga kaya un girl, 1 day pa ngalang na walang communication, hindi na ok eh...4 days pa kaya...

Me - that's ok too, some girls tend to be so clingy and some guys doesnt like that kasi feeling nila nasasakal sila...
(f*ck and i didnt realize that im the only one left talking nalang pala and my voice is mejo malakas pa)


Me (again) - at ang lakas ng boses ko  (xhet,nakakahiya talaga)

GAY - at tungkol sa pag-ibig ang usapang ito.

everybody else in that elevator LOLed!

Jovs - ayan Joyce Kelmer po ang pangalan niya.

GUY 1 - ganun ka ba tol? ayaw mo ng nasasakal?
GUY 2 - ok nga sakin yun eh,kasi alam kong mahal na mahal ako nung babae
GUY 1 - ibang sakal naman ata ang sinasabi mo eh...

laughters again.

GAY - (talking to us) isa lang ang solution jan, sex...kaya kelangan performers kayo

now everytime na mapapadaan ako sa kanila, natatawa talaga ako.as in super nakakahiya :)
hanggang ngayon natatawa pa din ako.

enihoos - i'll upload some of our pics nung brkfast namin very soon.
On my previous note i feel like im lost, but now i know now what to do :)
welcome 2010 - yahooooo

Im bored

with my life

and i terribly need something to do that’ll take me out of this semi-meaningless lifestyle im living; in less than 10 days i’ll be a year older and i have less achievements compare to some other people at my age - i think i need to go somewhere else and why all of a sudden i feel like im lost?

i have no idea where this thoughts came from, when i woke up this morning,i did my rituals and i felt better
i was reading some stuff online
and it just came to me, that im doing the same thing almost everyday, i wont say that its the same sh*t different day...

because unlike some other people i dont complain a lot ( honestly i dont think that this is all shitness )...
i am thankful for everything as in EVERYTHING
even if i know someone hates me or cursing me i still thank the heavens coz more or less that completes me as a human. those are just normal stuff. I know im not the only one who get those experiences. If im the only one im gonna freak out.

Even if they're putting so much challenges in my life that there are times that it seems i wont be able to handle them anymore...that is just fine and seriously i dont mind doing the same thing...its just that maybe Im just looking for something else that'll get my attention...


My plans of going somewhere else has been looooooooong overdue.
me and my sister decided to start working on that by next year,once everything is a bit settled.

But then going somewhere else, means leaving my comfort zone - which im still hesitant to do, coz there are so many things that im trying to consider.

Honestly i just dont know what to do with my life.
im used to following instructions and living up to the expectations of someone with authority
( like my mother or probably anyone who's older than me or who's more experienced in life )

the major decisions i've made in my life were based on the people that sorrounds me.
and i thought reading Paulo  Coelho books will make me realize my "real purpose" in life.

well it did, i do believe that everybody's purpose is to search for their soulmate, ultimate happiness awaits by doing so...and the feeling of "emptiness" or "something's missing" will be gone.

i know what im looking for in my soulmate and more or less i know who that is...
i just need to spend a few moments with that man and everything will be  confirmed...
the tumor in my brain ♥

(books of Paulo Coelho can better explain this)

But contemplating on the "me" part
I havent made any concrete instructions or directions for myself and i know the only reason why i dont feel so satisfied ( even if most of the time i feel like i have everything ) is because im not living my expectations --  the expectations i made on my own for myself - i dont have one.

u know that kinda sucks.


I thought when people say that "I'm lost I need to find myself" they're making a big fool of themselves but i think i feel the same way.


I dont know what i really want in my life - erase that.
I know what i want maybe i just dont know how to get it - or maybe those are just superficial and more or less wont help me in "being a human"

I wanna go to this place or somewhere else... maybe out of the country
I want to have my own camera, take pictures of beautiful places and people and events.
skydiving
or maybe i really want a boyfriend or just be in a relationship even if its not with brain tumor. Maybe i need put him on the side for a while - im already doing that and been entertaining quite a few guests.
But it'll be much better if its him, but as u have read on my previous notes i expect less and demand nothing from him - even if my mind & my heart is screaming at me , telling me they wanted to be with him...*sigh* emotions are wild horses. we know "perfect timing".

maybe i'll just get out of this place.



maybe by doing these things i'll be happy or maybe i'll learn something else.
you know its always better to regret the things that you've done thinking that it'll make you happy rather than die regretting the things you didnt do.


enihooos,going back to moi problemo...as for now im leaving everything to the heavens, i just need to know what i have to do. and i trust them, i know that they will tell me what my purpose or what i should do as long as i ask...


life is meaningful and i better go back reading "The Pilgrimage"

Have you seen New Moon?
yay I did and i couldnt get over Jacob.
Actually ever since i saw the trailer of New Moon i couldnt help but be aroused by that wolf.teehihi. So yeah Bella and Edward can live happily every after and i'll be spending the next few days or months daydreaming about Jacob. I have this thing for long-haired guys with normal biceps ( normal as in not too huge for me to hold on to and not skinny )

I cant wait to read the books.

Im sure you guys have heard about the horrible news, the Maguindanao Massacre...that is ugh. awful! Condolences to the families of the victims and for those killers, geeeeez ur souls are super toasted already!

Something's going on with my life and i'd rather not say anything about it. Talking more about "this" will make it seems like im overthinking and i dont wanna do that. hehe. So I'm taking everything in black and white.

im reading The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho and the book is pretty interesting. I didnt find much time to read the book yesterday since im cleaning my room. And now im so tired,somewhat suffering from my pms, but despite this effin pain i ate some green mangoes yesterday with bagoong alamang. saraaaaap!

cleaning my room was an achievement, haha it looks better now and just yesterday i realized how big my bed is and fuck its so damn heavy. haha. and now im just wondering i seem to have this andrenaline rush as part of my PMS.do any of you girls have this too? and im craving for so many things, i had mangoes, and i ate some isaw...and now i want white chocolate or icecream or both.hahaha



enihooos I've created my 2nd tumblr account, coz I couldnt retrieve my 1st account.
here's the link bittersweetjunks
have to warn you though, site have some content that'll make you drool. jk!
cant make any comments on that site though.
and im gonna study how to put watermarks on my pictures, ehehe. arteh!


And here come's jinx for the nth time. and im overthinking again ( nah uh ) hehe coz i hate to think that we are being jinx but i cant help it...i mean how many times, did we....ok is it really me? ahahaha.i better not think too much on this stuff too. Im just glad that he's ok.

and in less than 10 days i'll be 24 yrs old na ( geeeeeez )
and there are so many things that im really thankful for.
But i've decided to enumerate or list all of those stuff after my birthday na.
And the things that im looking forward in year 2010.

that's about it for now. I'll be back as soon as im done w/ my list.
xoxo

are you familiar with the song of Lindsay Lohan, Confessions of a Broken Heart ? - well the song is about her father, i dont know their story but yesterday while we were at the counselling this song is playing in my head.

I never expect something like that.
I thought by doing so,it'll be clear for us...that somehow it'll alleviate the bitterness inside our home and can bring peace ( even in its smallest measurement ) - well at least mother was able to make herself clear about the things that she complains about father and my stepbrother. There were some changes already when we got home.

Pride is still in the air.

The counselor (Mrs. Jinky) and my parents spent about 2 hours and few minutes while I was just outside waiting for them and reading my book ( and texting a very good friend of mine, June (he's the brother i never had ). It was depressing.

I can sense my father's unwillingness to solve our family problem. He was somewhat agitated and cannot speak in a calm manner. He would raise his voice once a while. He would laugh sarcastically and those silly smiles - aahh you wouldnt want to see those facial expressions being presented to your mother and someone who may ( or may not ) have the authority to rule over.

He even condemn God for everything that's going on with his life.

It was a little embarrassing but this is part of reality - i'd say its my world.

Mother, as usual was weeping but so far I see her fighting for her right. SHE's THE WIFE. She got every right to get a lot of  respect from her husband and his son. After everything that she's done.

i've been wanting to put these all in our backs and just move on with our lives, after all I grew up without my father and a brother...but i cannot do it on my own. I have to make sure that my mom is moving forward too, but i think she's having a hard time doing that. Me, my sister,our relatives  and her friends had been telling her to move on, let go and make herself beautiful. After all she's not the one who messed up. She'll get good karma in the end.

The counselor talked to me as well. She realized how hard it is to make my father realized these awful things that's been going on.Its kinda difficult to make him understand that he brought all these humiliation by himself. i do understand that his life is so different when he was still in the U.S but then he's been here in the Philippines for almost 4 yrs, when will he ever realized that his life is totally different now.He's not used to having a low income,he's not used to living in a house with a "family". He cannot accept the fact that he cant buy everything and anything that he wants all the time. Maybe he used to have a luxurious life in the U.S. I cant tell.

And he doesnt know how to raise his kid. How dare he tell his son to fight back? I heard him say this "matuto ka ng lumaban", to whom? to my mother? That's his wife, the woman who accepted him after all these years. Who suffered much and still suffering because of him. The woman who raised his 2 daughters after leaving them behind. The woman who took care of his son, his son from a different woman and treated him like her own. She swallowed every bit of pride that she has. Yet,she still love him, she still looks at him as her husband. The man whom she made a vow to and promised that she will love him for the rest of her life.

i dont hate my father, i do not despise him, im just, broken hearted with everything that's going on. He is after all the other person responsible for my existence ( and he gave me a nice name )
I believe everything happens for a reason...no matter how painful this may seem, this shouldnt let us down. God doesnt give us trials that we cant handle.

This serves as a lesson for every member of our family.An inspiration or a guide for me so I wont experience the same thing. I think we're not learning all at the same time since we do have "different level of understanding". Some of us understands the lesson right away and some of us dont.

Ok,let's cut the drama here. I've had enough.
Here's my latest favorite application in FB and my friend's comments really made me laugh.hehe.
 



my friends know me better than i thought,except for that "wholesome" and "good girl" part - yikes!
enihooos - gotta go back watching Gossip Girl season 3

oh about the title, it seems irrelevant with my entry but im really really craving for icecream, especially when im sad and disappointed, and whenever my visitor's coming. it'll definitely put a smile on my cute face (toinks) hahahaha.i just had one, the tililing icecream, the one i promised to Bong, well in due time my friend.

havent seen New Moon yet :(

xoxo

its sunday evening and i cant go back to sleep, i wish i could though...i feel bored, but this good effin days will soon be over...by Saturday im back to my normal life again...

normal as in, working...hanging out my officemates...talking on the fone again for more than 7 hrs, gossiping between calls...teehihi, endless talk about boys and relationships. F*ck! can u believe it? I loooooove my work this much when almost everybody is like tired of it.

Well,one thing im good at is complaining less...i feel better doing this...much better.
and if ever i do, it would always come out as a joke...so i can laugh at it.

Im practicing the law of attraction too, pretty much im a sucker for "postive thoughts" & prolly anything that will benefit me and the people around me. I've learned that we are like magnets and so far im attracting POSITIVE stuff.

except this morning or around lunch time...i felt like my heart betrayed me...or maybe im just exaggerating the scenario...

I was reading the alchemist - it talks about the heart having the ability to talk to us and it chose not to suffer...the boy got himself confused because there were moments when his heart tells him to pursue his dreams & go on in search of his "personal legend" yet he's thinking of something else. I'd say he's like caught in between his dreams and the things he considered to hold on to w/o his dreams on it.

I thought i have understood my heart...with everything that i learned from reading books and from my friends and the movies I've seen that can redefine my perception about my heart and the way it communicates with me...i just realized it wants MORE...

they said emotions are like wild horses - i remember having this kind of intense feelings with someone before...and i chose to hold on really really tight to my horses. And the outcome is something nice, more favorable for me and for that guy. Imagine, have i not hold on to those effin emotions we wouldnt be good friends until now...

enihoooos. im going off the track.
(rewind a little)

My horses are restless...i thought im doing just fine....content with what im getting. Thinking that in fate's time I'll be more than just fine...

I have learned to expect less and demand nothing from this person...but when i felt his presence, it blew off everything...every bit of the wall i have created crumbles down...and here he comes like a strong current from a mad sea.

but id rather keep doing what i've been doing, not being a coward but because this is the best thing for me to do ( i think ). they said nothing will change if you will not ACT as soon as you get the opportunity, but then i've been doing lots of stupid stuff with or without any opportunity (haha) or maybe this doesnt count at all...wth? i dont know where the hell to start?

can i not include my heart in this situation? i guess not...haha.

this is the only tumor that's been trying to control me...as for the moment this is the only thing that fills up the empty spaces for all those missing emotions that an average person should have - in other words, this is keeping me alive...in my weirdest moments i feel im complete coz i have these silly emotions. 


Unless there's someone else that can take his place - this could be another option that i can consider too...

OMFG!
i better read another book...or browse my favorite website...listen to Fiona Apple, Anna Nalick, Fefe Dobson and Michelle Branch all day looooooong.
 so i'll be inspired.teehihi.

enihoos, havent told you about this person I met in facebook...we got the same name, both of us we're born on friday the 13th, different month...older than me,wearing eyeglasses too, likes qoutes and poems or any literary works... also interested in photography (actually my wallpaper/background is a picture of Mt.Apo taken by him) - oh yeh...he's a guy.i thought he's a girl...haha, i was kinda excited pa naman to meet someone with the same name as mine...eh,Guy naman pala siya...well, originally naman kasi ang name na Joyce is for boys , if you look at the history famous "Joyce" are guys...haha! i love my name...this is the 2nd thing na pinagpapasalamat ko kay erpat (the 1st is of course ung semilya niya na bumuhay saken) . And guess what? Joyce's sister got the same name too....so there's 3 of us sharing the same name XD.

And another guess what? haha...im talking (actually chat lang) to Joyce right now in facebook (as i blog this) and he's in NJ now for vacation, he'll be back by January and more likely we'll see each other, why? because he'll give me Midnight Sun and Breaking Dawn ng Twilight Saga..........aaaah putanginang yan! Nagulat talaga ako, we barely know each other...and he's gonna give me this books and lecheng yan pinagiipunan ko na nga para mabili ko ung 1 set,meron na palang 2 naka-save para saken. Yahoooooo!!!!! hahaha...tenchu tenchu :)

In exchange i'll give him PAULo Coelho books



enihoos, here are some of the excerpts from the original "brain tumor got a face" which can be viewed completely in facebook ( not everyone can see/read this though...its only for my "biglovefriends" )

i've been thinking about him like every friggin day, i swear from the moment i open my eyes...he'll be the 1st person i'll think of...and i have no idea how often do i think of him for the rest of the day, but i know he'll be the last person im gonna think of before im completely knocked out!
this all boils down to one thing - im attracted to him                                                             shit.

but then again, i've created my own ghost...it eats up all the happy thoughts i have with tumor and haunting down all the wonderful moments i could share with him. At some point,tumor fed that ghost with "reality"
like when he told me that he's still trying to save his relationship with a different woman that time.
and knowing that we can hurt each other too...

a cliche as it may seem - but its like we dont wanna ruin whatever "we" have.

when he told me about his feelings ( if i remember it right ) he's honest enough to tell me that he doesnt wanna hurt me, and i guess weak enough not to fight for what he really feels ( or maybe that didnt matter to him that much,the least priority...maybe and maybe because i dont know how i felt about him too )

i understand and i wasnt mad at all if at that point he became coward & who knows maybe he created his own ghost too...i should be able to know exactly how he feels ( most of the time ) since we're born on the same star

he made me realize my WORTH

my patience for this guy is totally unbelievable, it surprises me most of the time too. I've been single for almost a year and i have saved myself from any other guy,thinking that i still have a chance being with him

just to qoute a few lines from "By the River Piedra I sat down and wept"
by Paulo Coelho
If pain must come, may it come quickly. I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.

this is what my heart tells me to do.i wouldnt know if this is right ,but so far im ok with this.

im brave enough to take risks and the ghost that used to scares me to death is gone.

i just wanna get this over with, i'll allow myself to be with him for a moment if something good will happen after, then so be it...if there's nothing more then i'll move on...just like that...


i got some weird reactions/comments on this entry (hahaha)
cheesy? u can say that again.

oh for the love of beauty hahaha!

w/ Rica (founder of HSBC "Happily Single by Choice) during her birthday celebration @ Beach House,haha ok! aminado ako,tipsy na ako diyan...

Oo nga pala,
Hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako
Nangangarap na mapa-sayo

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba 'ko sa'yo?
Aasa ba ko sayo?


-- leche kasing tryke yan, yan ang tugtog ni Kuya Emo (yan talaga nickname ni manong driver,pero di xa emo) kaninang umaga. At ayan na nga,baliw na naman si joyceness...
gumaganti yata sakin ang tadhana,hihi...when i had the chance to do it before i said NO, now that im craving for it...ang daming hassle.

but then im like used to this kind of situation - hanging by a moment lang talaga ang drama.

i visited some blogs again,since im back online (hellfuckingyeah), most of them are kinda sad...well may sad part talaga.i dont know, is it the season again? Just because christmas is fast approaching, malamig na naman ang gabi and all that bull...nagiging madrama na ba talaga ang atmosphere?

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE PUSHING ME "do this and do that Joyce, its about time!"
i know that, and i know i should've done this loooooooooong time ago. but then there are some things that i need to unlearn,may mga bagay na hindi ko pa kayang harapin nun. I've created lots of ghosts and now they're haunting me. migraine talaga xa,i mean isa talaga siyang brain tumor.

If i remember it right,andaming beses ko ng inamin sa blog na'to yung totoong nararamdaman ko for that guy. And i am not really expecting anything in return, i know how complicated his life is (or maybe im wrong), the distance between us - tatanga tanga pa ako sa ibang lugar...crap!

whenever i tell this "story" to my friends or pag napaguusapan ang mga ganitong bagay, they would always tell me na...go Joyce! and that's what im trying to do..


naalala ko lang ung tanong dati ni Kuya Mark - do you like/love the person kasi u wanna taste him or do you like/love him because you just wanna be with him? hahaha

magulo - pero ung 2nd ang sagot ko.
xoxo - my bed is calling me....