under the blueorangepurplesky

Aug. 28, 2010 - ironic

Posted by joyz kelmer

sometimes I just dont understand how life can be pretty ironic.
glad and sad at the same time.

i thought i was the only one in this kind of "dilemma" (lack of a better term)
but when i talked to a very good friend of mine since college, i was glad to know we're on the same boat

Its funny that ever since we met each other we always have the same "dilemma" we're like twins! See, our heights are pretty much the same, we're both wearing eyeglasses, we easily get mad when we're hungry...
and well, we did fell inlove with our bestbuds before
and now we have the same issues again.

its been a long time since the last time we talked to each other and i was really laughing while we're chatting, but at the same time we know that what we have is not something funny. Its complicated and I never imagine myself trapped or stuck in here.

I tried to get over this, a hundred thousand times... I went back all the way to 2007 when i started this blog just to erase most of my senseless entries, to hide the others and mainly just to update.

surprisingly & i just realized that since 2008 I've had numerous blog entries about one person.
i've given numerous codes trying to hide his identity and there were times that I have revealed his name.
i guess what im trying to say is, im crazy over this guy.

its been more than 3 years and im still gaga about him.

and yeah another friend of mine, feels the same way...that after 3 long years though he's able to move on and now with someone else, he still misses the other girl - days like these, you just wanna - disappear!

i know putting up all my emotions here is pointless

and i just hope that one day, when I blog about someone, it'll be that someone who will really -- whatever.

like what I said, im glad knowing that some of my friends are on the same boat but our reasons though its different it is heartbreaking - exagg!

ang sabi nga saken ni junejing,"tsong hangga't mahal mo sige lang,mahalin mo lang...darating din ang panahon, kung meron talagang iba para sa'yo mamimeet mo rin yun,tipong kahit pa anong mangyari hindi ka na babalik diyan, akala mo minsan pagod ka pero pag andyan na naman wala ka magawa kundi tanggapin, kasi nga mahal mo eh. Pero darating ang panahon na kung hindi talaga pwede ikaw na ang kusang bibitiw, kahit pa wala kang ibang karelasyon. Ang taong nagmamahal ng todo tsong, napapagod din,lalo na kung hindi napapahalagahan.weather weather lang yan tsong" - inedit ko lang, may pagkajejemon kasi eh. - but it makes sense.

some people really can take pleasure with just a smallest attention they can get from someone.

and this reminded me of Jut's dream - she texted me like 4 or 5 in the morning just to tell me about her dream.

JUT - joycee! i just dreamt of u, nsa province daw tayo, tapos may nakita ka daw na isang guy na gustong gusto , itinuro mo saken tapos nilapitan ko siya para ipakilala kita sa kanya, then you guys started dating na, pumunta pa nga kayo sa beach, nakita ko pa nga na naka 2 piece ka e,haha ang ganda ng dream ko about meeting your guy, baka malimutan ko lang agad kaya tinext ko na sa'yo.

ME: thank u Jut, hanggang sa dreams may pagka miss cupid ka pa din,dscribe mo sa'ken itsura ng guy nxt time huh.

JUT: matangkad siya, maputi, hindi siya long hair pero PAUL din ang name niya! Tapos sa dream ko, gumawa ka ng isang notebook andun lahat ng pix niyo nung nagbeach kayo pinakita mo daw saken,basta kwento ko sau pag nagkita tayo.

ME: okidoki, see u on saturday!

i wasnt able to sleep again,

i thought that maybe its time to stop talking about him.

though i will continue to update LTP.

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Aug. 28, 2010 - reblogged from fuckyeahlove.tumblr.com

Posted by joyz kelmer

When you love someone, they are hard to overlook. It is hard to temporarily put aside such a central focus of your mind. It is hard to feel nonchalant when you have a downcast heart.

When you love someone, it is as easy to misinterpret them as it is to understand them. It is hard to avoid their influence.

When you love someone, it is easy to smile each time they cross your mind; sometimes, it’s hard to stop. Other times, it’s easy to choke up. It is easy to forget how easily they can hurt you. It is easy to forget how much heartache they can cause.

When you love someone,they are easy to see. They are easy to touch. Their fingers are easily woven between your own. They are so very easy to miss. They are easy to cry over, over and over again. They’re easy to worry for, and they are easy to worry about. They are easy,too easy, to forgive.

When you love someone, they’re easy to hug. They’re easy to kiss. They are easy to fall for. They are easy to want to love forever.

It is impossible to extinguish someone who you love, used to love, or thought you loved from your heart. If you think otherwise, then please, for your own sake, stop fooling yourself.

from : http://sarascheid.tumblr.com/

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27 August 2010 - Fire.

Posted by Loraine

Two days ago, I realized something that will probably change my life forever. Out of downloading one e-book of pure inspirations (photography, literature, and graphic design), I knew what I want in my life. I felt so moved seeing accomplishments of other people, some of which are just in my age group. I wanted to be like them.

The problem with me, as I see it, is tardiness. I'm lazy. It's a disease. Contagious. It eats all the inspirations in your heart, and adds up more frustrations. I realized the need to fight this disease, especially now that I'm almost graduating, and I feel like I've done nothing that I really want, all because I feel lazy.

A graphic designer. That's what I want. That's what I've wanted for so long, but I forgot. I don't know how but I lost the passion for it. I blamed my course, my school, my studies, my parents, my lack of money, but in the end, all there is to blame is myself. So now I am trying hard to bring back that passion in my heart. I now have a goal in my life, and I'm learning. I hope it's never too late.

Chad said I should take it slowly. We all know how I tend to be too dreamy and naive. So I'm taking it one step at a time, and this blog post will be my first step (the acceptance stage), and maybe the last for this site. See ya latur blog! xo

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Aug. 24, 2010 - DAY 3

Posted by joyz kelmer

Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is past! Nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it, then let it go.

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Aug. 18, 2010 - ...

Posted by joyz kelmer

" There is no sin but the lack of love,have COURAGE,
be capable of loving
even if love appears to be a treacherous and terrible thing.
Be happy in love.
Be joyful in victory.
Follow the dictates of your heart.”

- Valhalla

from Paulo Coelho’s The Valkyries

that's what I've been doing,following the dictates of my heart :)
and its always a matter of choice

but its a bit hard to make a choice of you have 2 options

its either
you stay in love believing that the other person is your soul mate. You got your hopes high that one day destiny/fate will make a way for you to be together

or you can let go now and move on. Be fine and content knowing that somehow the other person loved you ( in the smallest measurement you can ever imagine ). Thinking that maybe the other person is much better without you or maybe they just don't need you at all...

true love is unrequited, unconditional
and if it hurts, then it is REAL

everyone is capable of loving
getting hurt is expected whenever we fall in love

and we should not punish ourselves whenever we get hurt

it is better to have love and lost than not love at all

life without love is not life at all

learn to read/acknowledge the signs.

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Aug. 15, 2010 - yey! I'm back

Posted by joyz kelmer

at least for now until September 4 I guess, hopefully by that time my dsl is back.
Thanks to my dearsister Rica bebe for lending me her smartbro :)
im just glad i am sorrounded with very very nice people, can't imagine my life without them...

like what i always say, I'm lucky most of the time.

pretty much i've been busy with work and trying my best to juggle things here at home...things get a little complicated whenever there's pressure included in everything you do.

oh well, that's just fine I know Im not the only one experiencing this, sad to think that some people have worse cases.

anywhere you go, whatever job it is there's always someone who will take advantage and abuse their "power", pathetic how they make a fool out of themselves...
be honest,come on!

might start a "business" with my officemates/friends, im pretty excited about it! But i wont give information about how it goes, dont wanna jinx anything! Right now im preppin for it, we all are.

and apparently my joint blog with Cheese is not updated, oh well. we're both busy, barely see each other at work. Miss hanging out with her...miss playing at timezone w/ her :(

Kay,my good friend is resigning :(

during my off, if im not out with my friends im just at home - reading Paulo Coelho books (again) & watching "magkaribal" just because i got a huge crush on Derek Ramsey & Enchong Dee -- LOL!

i love watching Avatar (Legend of Ang) every saturday morning,haha!

im currently updating my tumblr, adding more photos/quotes on queue.

im thinking of studying again - depends on the situation, my Aunt is planning something else

have to hide some of entries in this blog :)

not another heartbreak :)
no details, just have to at least let it out, though that's what i've been doing for the past few days. Im tired of crying (hehe) , wonder if my good friend ever gets tired of listening to my daily ranting about it.

looking forward for the next one...

that's it for now, gotta sleep...have a lot of work to do.

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Friday, August 6, 2010 - Paboritong Itlog

Posted by littlecut_

“Paboritong itlog, paboritong noodles..pinagsama ngayon..” Nagriring ang selpon ko! Habang nasa job interview ako, nagpanik ako at di ko tinignan kung sino ang tumatawag at bigla ko na lang pinatay. “maybe that’s how I’ll remember you..” sabi ng interviewer sabay tawa…haaay buti na lang mabait sya. Pero hindi ko matandaan kung anu yung sasabihin ko, bigla akong nawala sa wisyoat iba iba na ang napatunguhan ng sinasabi ko..pero oo lang ng oo ang interviewer, siguro nagkaintindihan kami, na parehas kaming hindi nagkakaintindihan hahaha!

Hi blog! I’m back! At oo sa word ko nanaman ginagawa itong sinusulat ko, kasi napuputol ang connection namin ng internet kaya kung gusto ko ng safe dito nako sa word lols. Di ako makamove on dun sa interview nay un, dahil na brainfreeze ako sa sobrang lamig ng kwarto na pinag-isteyan namin. TInatanong ako kung paano daw ako naglalabas ng stress. Ahm. Sunod na tanong kung may isports daw ako. Gusto ko sanang sabihing chess baka sabihin ni ate pageek lols eh wala naman talaga akong fitness game interaction sa buhay ko for at least past three years. Halos lahat computer related. Kung gusto ko maglabas ng stress merong O2mania, smash keyboard (facebook) at mahabang makabasag tengang soundtrip. At syempre, blog :)) sige na nga blog kasama ka na hahaha

Bakit ganun? Yung mga inaabangan kong tanong hindi tinatanong sakin. Tulad ng; Bakit may butas ang donut? Paano mo sasabihin sa bulag na asul ang ulap? Paano mo sasabihin sa bulag na nakalimutan nyang magpantalon ng hindi mo sya mao-offend? Yang mga ganyan…kayo ba natanong na ng ganyan? Ako kasi hindi pa, pero naiinggit ako kung natanong na sayo yan. Anung isinagot mo? Ang mga tanong kasi na ibinabato sakin ay situational din, pero syempre related sa field ko. Tulad ng; Anung gagawin mo kung may nakita kang dapat baguhin sa program at sinabi ng boss mo na wala kang dapat baguhin? Anung gagawin mo kung kailangan ng ipasa ang document pero hindi pa napapolish ang program at sabi ng boss mo na pwede na yan? Yung mga yan boring na question eh. Boring times 2 times 2 times 2.

Pagkatapos ng unang interview, may part two agad. Naninigas na ako, sobrang lamig! Wala akong sweater or jacket na dala. Mali ang anticipation ko na hindi ko kakailanganin ng kahit anu sa mga yun. Maling mali. Parehas lang sila ng tanong. Para akong sirang plaka, paulit-ulit, habang nakangiti, ang effort ko lang. Sabi kasi ng prof ko muka daw akong masungit, kaya ayun, smile! :)) Nanginginig na ang bibig ko kakasalita sa sobrang lamig napansin na nyang nagffluctuate halos lahat ng sinasabi ko kaya binilisan na nya ang interview. Whew. Sa wakas, natapos din… They’ll call me for final interview.

All is well. Hay blag.

Sige na goodnyt…byieeee!!

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3 August 2010 - Ameba Pico and some.

Posted by Loraine

It's been two days lang pero naaadik na ako sa isang laro sa facebook. Ameba Pico! Ang cute kasi. Naalala ko gaiaonline days ko. Yun bang pupunta ako ng park tapos mangaaway lang ako at magpapakaepal, tapos bigla akong magkakaron ng friends. HAHAHA! Saya!

So far masaya, kahit onti pa lang sa friends' list ko ang merong Ameba Pico. Katuwa kasi pwede mo din siya laruin ng stand alone so di mo na kailangan umentrada sa FB. Ayos na ayos pampaubos oras. Siguro pagsasawaan ko din siya pag tumagal tagal, pero at least may ginagawa ako at naiiwasan ang pagiisip ko masyado. Feeling ko kasi napakastressful ng senior life at nagiging worrier ako masyado sa takbo ng pagaaral ko lalo kapag wala akong ginagawa.

Ayun! Ang name ng char ko: Pakwanskie. HAHAHA! Pakwan kasi ang tawag sakin ni boypren eh. HAHAHA! Isa pang advantage ng larong to, nageenjoy ako at may pinagkakaabalahan habang si boypren ay busy sa kanyang pag-aaral. Nagpipico din siya, so meron kaming something in common na! Pareho kaming may PICO!

Speaking of boypren, may pustahan kami ni Super Pagong ngayon. May exam kasi siya tomorrow so kapag lumagpas sa 60+ ang raw score niya, kailangan kong magluto ng Chicken Adobo para sa kanya. HAHAHA! Kaya ngayon naghahanap ako ng chicken adobo recipes sa internet. FYI, Wala akong alam sa pagluluto. HAHAHA. Kapag naman bumagsak siya, ililibre niya ako ng paborito kong spageti. Oyea. Eh ayaw ko namang bumagsak siya so ngayon pa lang inaaccept ko na ang pagkatalo kaya inaaral ko na ang recipes. OHHHHSNAPP!

Ayun lang. So bukas, pasok na naman ako sa school. Two days lang kasi pasok ko this sem, so mas marami akong time na inaaksaya kesa sa time na ginugugol sa pagaaral. Dapat nga inaasikaso ko na thesis namin ngayon para hindi kami magahol sa oras, pero di ko alam kung bakit pero kulang ang motivation ko sa buhay. I'm always ending up worrying lang but still wala pang nasisimulan. Petix. HAHAHAHA! Kaya yan!

Aja. Dito na lang muna. //end

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3 August 2010 - Sorta kinda like maybe, idk.

Posted by Loraine

Dahil isa akong malaking inggitera, at gusto ko din ulit maibalik ang kahapon, magbblog din ako ulit dito sa rblogs! Weee. It's been a while. Kay dami nang mga naganap sa buhay ko na hindi narecord ng blog na to. But it only means that I'm allowing myself to grow, and sometimes you have to let go of things and try others, para hindi ka lang nakastay sa isang box, and marami kang matutunan. Ok, I was blabbering non-sense. HAHAHA!

Namiss ko bigla ang saya ng pagbblog dito nung nakita ko ulit sa fb yung link ni ITLOG IDOL announcing her comeback here. Nox. Wala lang, hindi din kasi ako busy sa ngayon, at mejo nasa mood para magubos ng oras. Ako na talaga nakikiuso. HAHAHA!

Napansin ko sa mga last post ko sobra ako kung makaemote. Ginawa ko din palang outlet ng kaemonyohan tong blog na to. Kaawa awa. Tsk tsk. Nakakatuwang isipin na natatawa na lang ako sa mga pinagsasasabi ko dati. HAHAHAHA!

Update update na lang din siguro ako dito minsan kapag sinipag or kapag may time. Inabandona ko na din yung iba kong accounts kasi feeling ko wala namang kwenta na or wala nang nagbabasa.

Goals ko sa ngayon:

Makaabot sa G R A D U A T I O N sa March. (pero bago yun sana makapasa sa thesis)
Makabili ng dslr, tripod, drawing tablet at scanner.
Makabili ng kotse at matutong paandarin ito.
Matupad ang dream pad namin ng boypren ko, at makasama siya doon. :">

Ayan kami ni Super Pagong Chad Lightyear. HAHAHAHA!

Dito na lang muna. //end

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Monday, August 2, 2010 - Hello rblog!

Posted by littlecut_

I returned! :))) Binalik ko din yung una kong layout edit dito, buti na lang at may kopya pa ako sa email ko! Ginawa ko ang layout nato exactly 2 years ago, nakakatuwa, amberde kasi at syempre madaming memories! ;;))) Bakit nga ba ako nandito muli? Hindi naman ako napilitan. Napag-usapan lang namin ni pollax at ni patisyahu na magbalik loob dahil namimis na namin ang mga krblags namin dito. **kaway** hay aym bak! Asan na kaya yung dalawa? Andito na me, wer na you? Andito padin pala si ate khai, si ate joyz nawawala...:))) Oh well, hindi ko din naman mappramis na lagi akong makakapag-update dito dahil sa mga egg blags ko... Pero magppost padin ako dito, kasi feel at home padin :) Ciao!

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Jul. 5, 2010 - ho hum

Posted by joyz kelmer

“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.”

— Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy (Via evollove)

oh well. i know what i want and most of the time i feel like i can't have it.
like its so impossible to get it when i have experienced being with it.

after all these time im still stuck "somewhere here"

I thought I was needed here. but I guess Im not.

Just tell me if I am needed and i am more than 100% willing enough to stay - even if it means being "stuck" forever.

but if i am not really needed here, then please let me know. 'cause i don't wanna end up being pathetic and hopeless -

I know I want to stay and I love being "stuck somewhere here"

but sometimes being here hurts me too.

I don't want this to be the "something" that will take me out of my semi-routine/boring life.
i want it real.

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Jun. 26, 2010 - change in plans...

Posted by joyz kelmer

oh well, I said i'll move to blogspot, but I changed my mind because I dont have DSL yet, i dont think i'll ever have a luxurious time to get on it everyday like what I used to..

my joint blog with Cheese is not updated too, well that is because we never had the chance to talk about it. We barely see each other at work and her last update in facebook she was saying she got problems with her internet connection too...and well, as what the others know im too lazy to text (most of the time) so I never really tried to text her about it, and its better to talk about it in person.
And she's pretty busy too.

I have 2 blogs in tumblr, my main blog is updated like every 12 hours because my entries are on queue.LTP is private and password protected. Im not sure about that though, I havent tried to check the website on other computer/laptop - haha, but whenever I try to open the page it will always ask for the password XD

GAAAAAAH! i need a fucking whole body massage - i mean a whole body massage (excuse my french)

My back hurts, i did my laundry yesterday that's why -
I was sleeping from 7PM to 3AM -ish , woke up coz someone texted me, thanks! if u didn't i would've known that I am hungry :)

Last week, I was on 3 days off, but I didn't feel that I am on rest day, because I'm out for 2 days.
Its a good thing I decided to sleep the whole day on my 1st day off, but it was on that same day that I heard a bad news. My friend's mom, passed away...and she was like a 2nd mom to me. I thought of going there the following day, but then I kinda run out of time..because I have a meeting a card reader / fortune teller. I'm with the girls too so it was a very happy Thursday.

Tita is a very good reader. I'd say she's a real pyschic. She knew that I walked out from my last relationship and that I am going out with someone. She said something that I kinda disagree but she's just reading the cards so its cool. We all like my last card, she said it means I'll be over with all the challenges in my life, its like in the end I'll be ok...its only now that I have to deal with all of these very depressing moments but I'll get the hang of it. Good thing that I am optimistic. And at least there is an assurance that I will not share the same fate as what my mom had regarding "married life". That was a relief.
It has always been my fear - having a sad love life.
having said that, I'm glad that I ended an unhealthy relationship. Well my friends told me, the last guy did love me and so as the other guy....but then Im not happy with them. Let's just say the spark didn't last long. Oh well, I'm over it. I'm done being bitter about it.

The other thing that we all laugh about is the fact that I look conservative outside but I have a very broad mind -- ok, i wont elaborate on this one. Its easy to figure this out.
But i dont mean to look like that, that is just how my mom brought me up - saving my dignity and pride, like what everybody else should do.

the fact that I tend to be a loner and quiet sometimes - there are times that I dont feel like talking, and they all agree to that - they're calling me on my fone already but still Im not answering XD

the diplomatic side, omg i never thought of myself that way. But according to her, I am like that i guess when im in an argument.

and on the 3rd day, after looking for a PT to check on Kay, i went to the wake of Tita Nenita. And was supposed to see Nanay Angel too, but then have to be somewhere else by 430 PM.,but then I arrived at 530PM ...haha! Got home like around 1030PM - it was great though! I know i didn't have enough time to rest well before going to work the following day, but at least Im happy. I get to see the people that I haven't seen for the longest time.

enihoos, so many stuff to share but limited time....

I still have to clean my emails, facebook ( deleted about 20 people coz i dont know them ) and untagged about 100+ pictures ( haha ), downloading some John Mayer song...watching my dashboard in tumblr update in every 10-15 seconds.

i miss you , i always do :)

well Im still thinking if I should be on blogspot or not...hahaha!

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Jun. 21, 2010 - moving to blogspot

Posted by joyz kelmer

I might, but not anytime soon...

since I'll have to keep an eye on my joint blog with Cheese in BS i might just create my own blog there. But I wont delete this one. Have a lot of memories here and besides my decision is not final yet.

I just cant start without getting my internet connection fixed. So while Im still using prepaid internet connection I will still use this...enihoos, my tumblr blog is updated like every day...

ho - hum
I just hope that the person who put me on cloud 9 will never be the same person who will put me 6 feet underground

yeah im a bit scared to be obsessively attached but damn it,its hard to control your emotions especially if its so intense
and most especially if you think its for real.

i need icecream!

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Jun. 5, 2010 - career,health and hair :)

Posted by joyz kelmer

well this is my favorite ring:
turquoise (blue) is for career and the coral (red) is for health, i've had this ring for a little over 2 months ( i guess ) and im wearing it like all the time...yeah it looks weird & gets a lot of attention. haha knowing me im always into weird stuff, i mean weird pieces of jewelry...i have other rings that looks weird and necklaces too which im planning to feature here anytime soon - once i got the time to do so...goodluck to that! Or if i wont change my mind, coz right now im busy updating the other blog, it might be my main blog (or maybe not)

I bought that ring and some other stuff from Babaylan Treasures and in just like 15 - 20 minutes I learned a lot about these precious stones. But im afraid I wont have much time to share that for now.

I just realized that these past few days i am more focused on my health and work - duh I have always been busy with work.

But with regards to my health, i tend a be a little conscious now.Im thinking i have UTI
( yeah, its a self-diagnosed sickness ) because, my sides used to hurt a lot, i pee a lot and when i do its a little painful. And my urine's a little cloudy, so there. Those were the signs if you have UTI so i started drinking Buko Juice, but i prefer Cranberry Juice, which is more expensive but more effective ( I swear, I've felt the changes like a day after i start drinking it. I felt a lot better ). I slowed down on foods that are rich in Sodium (salty foods), so i dont eat a lot of junkfood (like Lays/Ruffles, French Fries and double cheeseburger, which are my favorites) and its a good thing im not into softdrinks.I prefer water or fruit juices. And yes, i've been eating some vegetables (SOME) and my day is not complete without eating any fruit (melon is my favorite). In any case that i dont get to eat fruit i make sure that ill eat something rich in fiber, like Nesvita :)

geeez, am i or am i not promoting these stuff? i should get paid for doing this.LOL

Im not getting any younger, so i should at least start worrying about my health as early as now. I dont smoke, but i am a passive smoker, most of my officemates are smokers. But there are times that i dont join them. I dont drink a lot either. And when i do, whenever i feel like im tipsy i would stop right away and will start drinking water, until im sober.

As for my work.We still dont have an AMO (TL for some), Ian is our RAMO in which case if ever he'll be promoted then he'll be our AMO. If he's not, then they would have to look for another AMO. The tasks that we have is a little overwhelming sometimes. Especially mine, its very tideous (i must say), i mean working in excel with friggin formulas is really tiring. But so far im doing ok with it.

I just thought that, its a good thing i didnt move to another company. I'd have to say what they have to offer is really promising but i just love my team, i can't leave them now.

I thought im doing just fine, but then i guess i just needed someone to tell me that i can always do SOMETHING BETTER.

My teammates has been very supportive and cooperative (im glad they are). Nakakataba lang ng puso kasi these people would wait for me everyday, though its OTTY, especially Mommy Shirley who waited for me until like 7am and trying to help me fix my myperf last Tuesday. thanks mommy,ily!

updates & some of the few things i learned during those days that I am busy

someone's getting married (mike) aba buti ka pa :)
there's a bee, pero ang bubuyog na gusto ko wala roflmao - at kahit ilang bee pa ang dumaan, dedma!
I CAN ALWAYS DO BETTER
i have a lot of reasons to be motivated and be happy everyday (one of them is you)
if i want something, i should always make an effort to have it - even if i have no idea if the effort is being appreciated.
i dont have time for people who are cynical or trying make me one. i am OPTIMISTIC get it or get lost!
im planning of sharing my being optimistic attitude to someone - see if my charms will work

i wont cut my hair - as in hell no! i was thinking of cutting it short again because of the hot weather, but then it started raining bwaahaha.

and i promise not another heartache will make me change my hair again.ayun lang,medyo nawawala na ang pagkacurly ng hair ko.back to straight hair in no time.

that's it for now...hanggang 10AM lang ang internet ko, hindi pa kasi naibabalik ang DSL namin eh.

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May. 31, 2010 - put a smile on my face

Posted by joyz kelmer

im pretending im ok in front of you guys
but i am dying deep inside

well at least to a few people they know what's going on

sometimes its just hard to accept the fact that not everybody can agree to whatever makes you happy, even if they say so.
you can still feel how they disagree on those stuff

no matter how delighted and content you are whenever you have those "happy stuff"
well i know they care only in a different way, coz they have the ability to look on the other side of the picture while im blinded by the "beautiful stuff" and prefer not to look and dwell on the bad ones.

ok, im aware of the bad sides and trust me i tell that to myself like everyday
but you do realize how hard it is for me to accept these and hearing you disagree does not help me at all.
it makes it even harder for me to accept and deal with this kind of stuff.

and forgive me if i rather keep my mouth shut.
i dont think its necessary for me to share the things that makes me happy.

i am delighted and pretty content with what i have, and i am badly wishing that this will not end/disappear.
i am in a blissful state, all i ask is for you not to ruin it.

i know what i have to do
i know when to stop
but i do hope you would understand that this is not easy for me either. not at all.

ok, i just realized how contradicting this entry is.
i started it as im dying deep inside but a part of me is very happy.

oh well.

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Saturday, May 29, 2010 - Hello World!

Posted by littlecut_

If you have noticed this blog is not active anymore. I've transported to blogger.com. I've written this entry to formally inform you guys that I'll not be using this blog anymore but I will not delete this for some reasons. My main blog resides now at http://eggxecutioner.blogspot.com/ If you should need to exchange links with this blog, just inform me. As for now, I'm looking for exchange links in my new blog, rblog friends are very welcome :) I miss you guys! Thank you for reading this. Have a nice day! - littlecut/itlog

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May. 29, 2010 - new blog

Posted by joyz kelmer

here's the link
http://solittletime-kesongmasaya.blogspot.com/

for my friend Cheese :)

still have to work on that blog though, reading and changing those codes makes me dizzy.
haha!

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May. 15, 2010 - mid-life crisis

Posted by joyz kelmer

my sister told me the other day im having a mid life crisis and i laughed at her telling her, no im just bored as in BORED!

i need something to get me out of a semi-routine life, all i do is go to work...home...work...home and on several occassions i go out with my friends but its not everyweek and if it were then i'd probably be out of blue, i wont be feeling sorry and sad...
SELF-PITY

yeah that stupid feeling gets me sometimes too, if you think about it im pretty lucky with life. I'd say i got everything i want and if ever there's something i need, i'll make it a point that i'll get it or if the situation really doesnt allow me to have it, then i'd think of something else in exchange of that...but most often than not i get what i want, i have the sources. its just that i got some of those on "PRIORITY" list the others really have to be compromised.

and when the time of the month comes, that's when i feel so pathetic. its when i realized the thing that i really need and its what i want for the longest time. but then i dont know for some effin reason i never had the courage to demand for it i dont know where the hell i got patience to face this.

i swear it could kill me one day.

im a very appreciative person, i say thank you even to the smallest deed that you will do for me and i never hated life, not even once. i am so blessed to have a life like this despite the gazillion challenges, i know there's a reason for everything. and as what everybody says, im very optimistic,
i see the good in everything (thanks to the Law of Attraction)

but at times like these i cant help but ask why.

why can i be like anyone else?

i cry whenever i feel that there's missing in my life.and i never stop myself from crying whenever i feel this, its true, reality sucks sometimes...but i have to face it. its the only thing that's missing in my life, the only thing that makes me cry.and this is the only aspect in my life where i get so pessimist. but whenever i have the chance to feel this, im in my happiest mood - people can tell that.

why does everybody else have it and i dont?

i know i can have it from anyone, i got loads of friends that can help me with that, but then if i let them it'll be (somewhat) pointless - it'll be hard for me to explain why, so i wont try to do so.

more or less they have an idea what this is all about.well they told me if its really what i want go for it, do anything to get it.and i've been thinking what else should i do? words are not enough, tried to put them into actions but i guess it doesnt count either.

honestly, i cant think of anything else to do.believe it or not i've been praying for it.
i need more patience, and if its really not meant for me, then at least i would need the courage to accept it.

a few times i asked for someone else, i had a few...but then i always go back to him. from the moment i met him until this very second...he was never out of my mind. he's always been here. constantly making me happy and sad at the same time. its crazy. what's with him that i just cant let go? why can i not love anyone else and be loved back the way i wanted it to be? why do i have to love him?
i've been asking myself these questions like everyday...

once he asked me "dun ka nalang sa iba" silly! and he got a silly reason for saying that, well if my mom raised me up na mukhang - pera i would have done that, i will just marry someone who's fucking rich then i dont have to worry about my future and my family's future. i'll live my life wearing branded clothes, get my own island, have my dream car with a driver that's a robot.

but then im proud that we were raised by my mom (alone) na hindi mukhang pera.Im not greedy and im not materialistic. though i know i can if i want to. but like what i said earlier, i have a pririoty list...the material stuffed that's not really a necessity, i can just let go of that anytime
- i dont need all of these, i just want to be loved.

a friend once told me "you tried to forget about him, you tried to let go...but you never really wanted to do that. That's basically the reason why you're not moving on...coz u dont want it in the first place,you're just saying that you want to and you do stuff thinking that that will help you move on, but deep inside you want to continue loving him. Don't force yourself to do it, let it happen naturally."
makes sense.

im done. done being emotional for the month. just have to blog out my extreme emotions.i bet after this im back to being ME again - happy go lucky, making fun of my friends, joking around, being a bitch, just happy and enjoying life.till next month, when Red visits me again.

oh btw - the reason why my sister told me that is because i told her to introduce me to someone who got the potentials, because im bored..and she goes "haha, mid-life crisis na yan" and im like "NO! hahaha"

i have held you and kissed you the way i wanted to
watched you sleep like i would whenever i will have the chance.
those memories never failed to make me smile.

you know, before those were just thoughts in my head and then it happened
so now they're memories...will they stay in my head as memories forever or will they happen again?

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Apr. 24, 2010 - ....

Posted by joyz kelmer

commitment is something else... i just thought of asking that because i have to know where i stand.
I have the tendency to be assumptive sometimes, and since the situation involves you i dont wanna assume anything at all.

i like you, a lot!
you make me happy, and i dont know if i will ever feel that kind of bliss with any other man. It amazes me most of the time how you can make me laugh at loud like there's no tomorrow. I love being with you, i enjoy every second of it.

but then i agree with you, its better that we get to know each other first - its funny that we've known each other for almost 3 years (?) yet i barely know you (you wont even tell me your fucking name!).

i loved you
and i guess i want you to love me back - that's what i want before.

now i dont know.

all i know is im happy when im with you,
i hope to see you again

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Apr. 22, 2010 - hmmmm

Posted by joyz kelmer

Although you are fairly optimistic today about your long-term plans, more immediate problems could create some anxiety. You know there is a solution to the stress you feel between personal and professional matters, but it doesn't seem possible now to choose one over the other. Fortunately the larger issues will fall into place if you stay focused on what's right in front of you. Act locally while thinking globally.

-- my horoscope for the day, i just cant stop myself from reading those emails :)
and it sounds about right....i couldnt disagree.

But i still dont know how to react with the current problem im facing

The offer is very tempting, who would say no to a 10k increase in your salary? damn it!
But then thinking about it if i go now, i may not get paid for almost a month...changing jobs now is like too risky for me.

if i go now, training starts on May 6, they have differnt payschedule...might not get paid middle of May, musta naman ang bills na babayaran ko...ayan nga, wala akong unlimited na internet, nakaprepaid broadband ako dahil ndi ko pa bayad ung fone...well ni-let go ko talaga ung fone, ehehe. prepaid nalang muna.
next batch for this "job" is sa november pa, mom was like pwede ka din naman mag-antay if you really wanna move out, which is not bad din naman, at least my friends who'll start on May 6 can give me heads up in november.

and recently a lot of good stuff happened in my current job,the meet and greet, the FGD, my commendation call (where in Boss H and Boss P gave me cute memos & chocolates too :) ) - gaaaaah! its just hard to decide.

And one more thing, my uncles will help me to leave this place.if all goes well, then im gonna say hello to ------- LOL!
I always have my fingers cross for this one.it would be nice to see...

ay naku, isisimba ko nalang ulit to sa Quiapo bukas...ng maliwanagan isip ko.

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