I'm not fighting anything
Yeah.. I'm still pissed off...
I know a thing like that can happen especially with alcohol involved, especially in his case. I've seen it happen so many times that everytime he does that, I'll just shut up and occasionally nod. I do listen I'm incapable of ignoring someone speaking to me.
I don't know how it started exactly. Thinking about it, it started with a weird question, that to me sounds offending. I asked him what's the point of his question and refused to answer until he explains why he was asking me that. His answer is a bit acceptable for me but I still refused to answer. Maybe he's trying to figure out what I really want... but why the heck do I have to tell him that?
Later it went from that to something that everyone knows. I didn't mind really, but at first I do have to admit I resisted in playing along. But what's the harm of playing this little charade? So I did... questions has been asked, answered has been given, but it seems that there is no end to it. I do remember defending myself and answering questions. But that wasn't the part that made me fell silent it was what happened next.
From the very beginning, I honestly said that I had no preference. From the look of things I think it's abnormal that I don't have one and that is what everybody is making me feel too. But how can I have that in short amount of time?
I honestly said before and I would repeat it again, so better read this and understand. NO HAS TAKEN INTEREST IN ME BEFORE. I never had this kind of attention before. I admit that I'm annoyed by it but I'm not fighting it and actually trying to embrace the idea. I HAVE HAD CRUSHES WITH BOYS. I just never told them or anyone... a mistake, maybe but I don't feel the need to tell anybody at the time. And believe me when I say this, a big coincidence in all of my crushes. All of their names starts in a letter that I won't tell you. Okay some people maybe already have an idea but I guess you?ll have to beat that information out of me.
I have this to admit though... ever since I was a kid I never really thought of myself living with anybody else but my family. I thought too that when I became older I'm gonna live in a place on my own. Yes, just by myself. It sounds weird to many, but of course this idea wasn't to me until now. That idea is still in my head, it is a part of me that I can't just let go. Being alone isn't a problem, I'm used to it. Maybe you'll think I'm unhappy but I'm not. I don't care if you don't believe me but I'm really contented with what I have now. But that doesn't mean that I'm gonna ignore everything else around me.
I notice that everyone around me seems to be in a hurry to find a partner, saying that they are running out of time or something. I'm sorry if I don't feel the same way that everybody does. But this is a matter of choice or maybe this is what really in store for me.
But why do I have to think about it? I have feel will to think and do whatever I want! And the worst thing about all this, I HAVE TO BE DRAGGED IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM! Ok, on the side of helping friends, you can expect me to lend a hand but this is different and the answer is... I don't even know what adjective to use on this!
You know who you are, I forgive you. I'm just pissed because I wasn't able to defend myself from you. I was just getting sick of this sh!t sometimes. I'm sorry but I have to let this out... you know why just kept quiet? It's because you don't want to lose... maybe you're just concerned, I get that, but you don't have to throw this crap at me!
Before I end this, I'll just repeat myself for the nth time...I'M NOT FIGHTING ANYTHING! And if you thinking I'm being defensive then don't ask a questions.
Peace, Love and Music...