Death Wake Recollections
[NP MY HERO: Paramore (originally by Foo Fighters)]
Hello guys, its been days since I last wrote an entry again, its just that there's just too much, a lot of events had occured during the course of this week, I didn't have the time to examine much on the things that I should do or even my emotions.
Things are seemingly going back to normal for my family. Well my dad, I think he is sober now after almost 2 weeks of getting wasted and drunk. I really thought he would not mind going to my lolo's wake a few days ago upon receiving the news of my Lolo's death. My Lolo Victor died at the UERM Hospital last Tuesday. His health started to collapse almost a decade ago because he has suffered a mild stroke, this had made him paralyzed and unable to talk for the last years of his life. My relatives on my father's side were the ones who took care of him. I never really knew much about them, even their names, but I felt worried when I received the news. I was kinda surprised when my dad approached me days ago and told me that we should go to my lolo's wake. I felt a little glad, cause finally, after days and days of being like someone who doesn't care about himself, and what will happen to him, there he was... he cared about my Lolo, his uncle.
Days before receiving the news, I was stunned when I saw butterflies on my way to paying some bills in the morning. I always have this feeling about black butterflies being some sort of messengers of the dead people close to you or maybe your relatives sending out their goodbyes to their remaining loved ones. It felt weird... and then the news came.
Its a mixed of a happy sad reunion. My daddy was suddenly reunited with his cousins, and uncles, while I was introduced to my other cousins... and most specially I met some of my grandparents again. I saw Paolo again, and Kuya Eric.
Kuya Eric is special to me because he was the one who taught me how to play the guitar, he used to be in the under ground music scene, he loves punk and kundiman music LOL. I still can remember him teaching me to play those kinda songs but really, maybe I am not really musically gifted. I thank God that when he taught me how to play it was not the time where emo and the so called sell music was popular hahaha tatawagin din niya akong EMO. Tae. XD He is good in listening to a certain song and then after 5 minutes he can already play it, while I can't even tune my guitar but I can read tabs LOL, pero siya hindi XD.
I heard a lot of funny stories about my titos, titas, and specially about my other cousins at mga kalokohan nila.
Sabi nila parang di daw ako Dingding, di ako nainom, di ako nagsusugal hahaha. It comes naturally in our bloodline daw. Well maybe its because I am both Dingding and Rivera and all many others XD.
On the mass on his last day... I saw my relatives cried. It was really something I do not want to see. One of the saddest memories I've had was in my grandma's (my mom's mother) funeral upon arriving in Zamboanga, pagbaba ko palang ng habal habal although I was really exhausted I cried river of tears. And I saw it again. I was avoiding to look at the coffin or even touch it cause I did not want to cry.
Surprisingly di naman ako naiyak. Maybe because of exhaustion and many other things inside my head.
Right after the burial, my other cousin, Paolo approached me and told me he wanted to relocate my Lolo Melchor to the same cemetery where my Lolo Victor was burried. I felt touched. I know where ever my Lolo Melchor is he will be very happy to know that his favorite grandson cared about him so much.
After all of these things happened. Suddenly I felt like I need an overhaul for myself. Paminsan minsan naman lumingon ako dun sa mga kadugo ko kasi napakadami pala nila kahit walang okasyon di ko pa rin sila dapat kalimutan. Kailangan ko na din gisingin sarili ko na matagal nang di alam anong gagawin sa pagkakafrustrate sa Oriental Photographix na yan.
Maraming tao na katulad ng tita ko, na lubos na pinagpapala, di na nagrereklamo kahit na ang daming nakasandal sa kanya. Ang isa ko pang tita na ngayon nakikipaglaban sa cancer, na talaga namang kinasasama ng loob kong malaman na ganun ang kalagayan niya, di pa rin siya sumusuko.
Kaya wala akong karapatan pang hinaan ng loob. WALA! Wala kasi nagsisimula pa lang ako sa buhay ko! Madami pang darating.