Well, one down side is, I have no regular income right now, but I did receive a letter earlier today, guess what, a "Return to Work" letter :D I dunno, but after I read it, my mind was split 50-50 on taking the job back or ignoring it. I have 48 hours to report back to work, and I'm not so sure I will. Next up, the issues with my lady, ok, just so you know where I stand, since I was 12 all my girlfriends were older than me, I myself didn't know why I loved things that way, ok so here I go, on the 20th day of October last year I met this lovely girl, she's perfectly capable of being as open-minded and future-oriented as my previous girls, except., she's younger than me, so we both took our chances, and it turned out good :D but lately, I have been having this feeling of mistrust from her, I know I have been really behind on making her feel how much I care, but honestly, I don't think I deserve what she has been throwing at me, I never cheated on her, never intentionally missed out on my obligations to her. I knew this would happen eventually, but I never thought it would be this bad. Our emotional maturity gap is taking it's toll on our communication, I have been hard up adjusting to her, since I have never experienced having a relationship with someone younger before, but I ignore the pain, she makes me happy so I am not giving up on closing that gap between us, the bad thing is, she seems to be reacting in a different way, I feel as though she feels I deliberately elude her, her text messages, her PMs, I know I have missed out a lot since I don't have my own income right now, but that's just it, I feel that she is looking for the kind of care that someone just from the other class can give, I can't give that to her, no possibility at all, I'm in the after-college phase now. I just wish she understood things better, I just wish. The other day I had to go to a friend's birthday party and here's what happened, so I went there, and the celebrant was supposed to meet me by their village gate, so of course I had to send her sms messages to update her on where I am, I was loaded with Smart's All-Text 20, so I had only ten messages for other networks, I lost count and ended up comsuming all ten, thing is, I couldn't use my remaining load balance anymore. It sucked pretty bad, and worse, noone in the party was using the same network, and no store was close enough. I had no choice but to let it pass, and hope my lady would understand perfectly the following day, turns out she doesn't even fully trust me to even try to understand what I explained to her. It felt really bad, and so I asked her, " Do you trust me?" she replied "90%", that completely crushed me. I'm not sure if she felt it, but I was crushed. I have laid upon her all the knowledge and experience I have had, and I only get 90%, honestly, that's as good as 0%, she doesn't seem to understand that relationships, specially the serious ones must go through hard times, there's no escaping it, plus I don't think she completely understands how to forgive and forget, I know I make mistakes, hell, who doesn't? I mean, If you really love someone, accepting his / her imperfections is embracing who he / she really is. Forgiving and forgetting means forgiving is forgetting, that 10% lacking in her trust in me is poison. If it's not taken care of, it'll spread, and it will kill, it will, I should know, it's already starting to kill me. I miss my Lady, I really do.

This is another starting post for me, I have decided to practice my photography and photomanipulation as much as I can, as often as I can. I also have decided to again embrace my roots of the occult, and set a regular exercise schedule, I know I need it. Although it should already be obvious, I have decided to let go of the call center industry, the graveyard shift just takes so much from me, so much that I lose all my fun, and quite frankly, I don't ever want to get burned out like that again, all work and no play makes Norman a lazy, stubborn boy. Photography is smiling at me, my first band photo-shoot is looking good, it's their first set, and we're expecting proper fees from their recording company, Aeon. Together with colleague Mary Jane Magtoto, we're actually able to do what has to be done, we're like the band's "Two-piece Media Team" :D so it's going pretty well, as for the fee, we plan on using it for at least a second-hand lighting kit, a main, a fill, and at least three colors of backdrop. I know it's close to impossible to be able get them all, after all it is going  to be our first photo fee, and we're not expecting that much, but I hope we manage, when that happens, my close-to-empty living room will at last have a reason to be there :D We really hope this pulls through for us :D

I have an appointment at 5am, and I'm still up, I'm feeling a bit sleepy, but not sleepy enough to beddie byebye, Man, yesterday and today are two big days! I wish I had days like these more often. :D I wonder if I should take a nap? Would I be able to wake up? I don't think so, hmmm, one thing's for sure though, I'm not letting this job opportunity pass me by, this job is mine! :D